• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Bulletproof Writing

Nurturing writers and aspiring writers.

  • Welcome!
  • About
  • The Bulletproof Writing Blog
  • Work with Me
    • Author Mentoring
  • Privacy Policy

Learn Grammar the Fun Way! Part 1: Be Singular

June 19, 2018 by Deena Nataf 2 Comments

For the next article in this series, click here

 

My brother-in-law used to teach comedy traffic school. Ever heard of it? Neither had I.

learn grammar

My lovely brother-in-law

My sister explained that it was one of the options driving offenders could choose when they were ordered to go to classes to review the principles of driving. When they completed the class, their points would be erased. Great idea, no? After all, why listen to a dry lecture when you can laugh your way through traffic school?

Recently, I came across two hilarious lists of grammar mistakes, and I thought it would be fun to use them as a springboard for reviewing some of the grammar principles I’ve been writing about during the past year and a half. This post is part 1; my next post will be, incredibly, part 2.

 

1. A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting
with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.learn grammar

In a participle phrase (think of a participle as an “-ing” word), the participle describes the action of the subject – so beware. Remember my famous line: “After pooping on the sidewalk, I cleaned up the mess and put Fido back on his leash.” Here the subject is “I,” which means “I” am doing the action described by the participle – in this case pooping. Likewise, in the second sentence, the evening is the subject, so it would be the one enjoying the cocktail and chatting.

2. A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

Using passive voice is no longer as verboten as it used to be. However, that’s not a license to use it when active case would be as good or better. Sometimes people (very mistakenly) think they’ll sound more intelligent, serious, or formal if they use the passive voice. Don’t. Do. This. Here’s an example: “After the library book was found by my assistant, it was read by my partner and myself.” (There’s another no-no in this sentence: using myself when you mean me. Don’t use any of the “-self” words unless you need the reflexive case, such as “I scratch myself.” See this post for more information on the correct and incorrect use of reflexive pronouns.)

3. An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

Good job, Bob. This is an adorable sentence, and there’s nothing wrong with it. Love those oxymorons, like “rap artist.”

4. A malapropism [actually, it’s an eggcorn] walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

We discussed eggcorns a few months ago in this post, and sometimes they are downright hilarious. They generally come up when you are using a cliché, a worn-out expression, or a literary device such as simile, analogy, or metaphor. The best way to avoid an eggcorn/malapropism is to avoid the usual and invent some fresh  descriptions. Use Show instead of Tell, and develop your own voice.

5. A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but
hoping to nip it in the bud.learn grammar

Love this one. Mixing metaphors can happen if you rely too much on overused phrases and don’t take enough time to really think about what you want to say. (I recently discussed this here.) As with the previous example, developing your own voice, too, will help.

6. An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

I don’t mind allusions, but please remember to use one only if you are convinced that most of your readers will understand it. Sentences such as “Choosing between John and Mark as a dance partner is like sailing between Charybdis and Scylla” or “I feel as if I’m living in a Kafka novel” are clever, but they’ll leave your audience confused if they have no idea what you are referring to. Fit the allusion to the reader.

7. An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the
television getting drunk and smoking cigars.

This is a legitimate, albeit unrealistic, sentence. Indeed it means that the Oxford comma spent the evening not watching a program on the television, but actually watching the television itself drink way too many alcoholic beverages and light up numerous cigars. However, if we add a comma after “television” and “drunk,” the sentence will magically be about the Oxford comma doing three different activities: watching, drinking, and smoking. Take your pick, but please make sure your sentences say what they’re supposed to say.

We’ve discussed the Oxford comma before, but this was such a good example of what can happen if you don’t use commas correctly that I had to include it. Let this be a reminder that you must learn how to use punctuation! (Here’s a post on the use of semicolons and colons.)

 

Do you notice a pattern here?

Other than the fact that I’m shamelessly drawing attention to old posts of mine, it seems to me that many of the above issues can be solved in three ways:

  1. Subscribe to BulletproofWriting.com
  2. Learn grammar rules (see #1)
  3. Develop your own unique voice so you won’t have to rely on everyone else’s leftovers.

Unsurprisingly, I’d like to address #3.

 

Be singular

 

You are a writer; why not be singular? In fact, singular is my new favorite word.

Check out what Merriam-Webster has to say about singular:

learn grammar

  • of or relating to a separate person or thing
  • distinguished by superiority
  • being out of the ordinary
  • departing from general usage or expectation

 

 

Isn’t singular the type of writer you want to be? I know I do. How can we accomplish this?

  1. Learn the above definitions and make singular your new mantra.learn grammar
  2. Keep singular front and center when you write. It’ll steer your prose away from tired one-liners and other writers’ castoffs.
  3. Close your eyes, figure out exactly what you’re trying to say, and use your imagination to say it in your own singular way.
  4. Keep your feet on the ground by integrating the grammar principles I’ve outlined above. For better or for worse, writers who know and use good grammar and usage are singularly few and far between. Be one of them.

 

Happy writing!

Deena

Deena Nataf
www.BulletproofWriting.com
Deena@BulletproofWriting.com

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Comedy Grammar

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Billie Wade says

    June 19, 2018 at 11:52 pm

    Deena, your examples are great, and you do make learning the principles enjoyable. Thank you for doing the series.

    Reply
    • Deena Nataf says

      June 21, 2018 at 2:41 pm

      Hi, Billie, and thanks! Your support means the world to me. It’s great to hear from you again.

      All the best,
      Deena

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

How about a free, 5-day writing course?

  • Enliven your writing
  • Get more acceptance letters
  • Develop a solid writing habit


Thank you and welcome!

So glad to have you.



Hi, I’m Deena Nataf

BulletproofWriting.comI’m a book and journal editor with thirty years of experience in the field. If you write to publish, I want to help you get that first draft written, that manuscript finished, and that book out the door. If you write for yourself, I’ll give you the tools you need to write clearly, write regularly, and write in your own voice. But no matter why you write, I’m passionate about helping you make your mark on the world.

You can see more about me here.

What Can I Help You With?

  • Writing Techniques
  • Comedy Grammar
  • Tips for the Writing Life
  • Uncategorized

Recent Posts

  • Don’t Take My Word for It: Famous Writer Gives Valuable Writing Tips January 31, 2021
  • The Importance of a Great Title (and other important writing and grammar stuff) November 20, 2020
  • Get Ready (Fast) for NaNoWriMo 2020! October 30, 2020
  • Creating Subject-Specific Metaphors (plus news, discounts, and other fun stuff) September 3, 2020
  • Reading Ideas (and More!) for the Duration April 2, 2020

Bulletproof Writing © 2022 · Genesis Framework · Customized by Krista Rae