I keep a list of writing mistakes that I come across in my own freelance editing business as well as in the modern, “good trash” I like to read for fun. In this post, I’ve chosen 17 frequently misused words and expressions. Learn them, and you’ll jump to the head of the pack.

There will be people who don’t agree with what I am about to present, but that’s okay; I’m sure they’ve been wrong before.

Seriously, though, there is some wiggle room with some of the expressions, and I’ve noted this.

 

Myriad

Guys, it’s myriad without the “a” in front and the preposition in back, e.g., “She had myriad boyfriends before she settled down,” and not “She had a myriad of boyfriends before she settled down.”

Although nowadays, using “a myriad of” is lazily accepted, purists like me will never allow ourselves or our clients to use it, and certainly someone who uses myriad correctly shows themselves to be a sophisticated writer.

 

Whence

Similar to myriad, you don’t need any extra words before and after you use whence. It already means “from where,” so just say whence – do not say “from whence.” Here’s an example:

“I sent the perfumed love letter back to the woman whence it came.”

Yeah, I know; it’s not like you want to sound like Shakespeare when writing for Playboy magazine, but it’s important to know this rule in case you want to get fancy in a novel or memoir.

A word of warning: you will find legitimate writers using “from whence,” but be smug: they’re wrong.

 

Wherefore

Another Shakespearean word, but just in case you take a time machine back to the sixteenth century, you’ll need to know that wherefore means “why.” It doesn’t mean “where.”

 

Come vs. cum

Come means “come,” like “I come home at three o’clock. Cum is Latin, and means “with” or “together with.” You pronounce it “koom.”

While come is self-explanatory, cum isn’t. Here are two ways it’s used:

• in expressions such as summa cum laude (with highest honors – get it? Laude is like laudatory)
• to describe entities of a dual nature, such as “novelist-cum-soldier of fortune” or “gangster-cum-rap artist” (notice the dashes between words and the use of italics). And by the way, “rap artist” is my favorite oxymoron.

 

Lead vs. Led

Lead is either a present-tense verb (pronounced “leed”) or what you put in pencils (pronounced “ledd”); led is a verb, the past tense of lead. Here’s an example:

“Please lead me to the lead pencil department, because using wax pencils has led me to tear out my hair in frustration.”

 

Wet vs. whet

A baby wets his diapers, and when his mother heats up the Gerber strained carrots this whets his appetite.

The word whet, by the way, means to sharpen; thus: “He whet the lead pencil with the blade of his wet Swiss Army knife.”

 

Might vs. mite

You wouldn’t believe the mistakes you find in Kindle books. I once read, “He was a might too strong for her.” I am not making this up.

In brief: Might either means strength (noun) or is used to express a conditional situation. In grammar parlance it’s called a modal or auxiliary verb (might, may, must, can, could, shall, should, will,  would).

Mite means little (which is why you can’t see the dust mites you’re allergic to). It’s a noun (dust mite, mighty mite).

Another way to use mite in a sentence is thus:

“That monkey  is a mite too ugly for the zoo brochure.”

I know it doesn’t look like a noun there, but most grammar pundits hold it’s a noun, while some insist it’s an adjective. In keeping with my policy of painless grammar, however, I say: “Who cares? Just use it correctly, for goodness’ sake!” (And notice how goodness needs an apostrophe here.)

 

Pour vs. pore vs. poor

• You can pour lemonade or pour out your heart.
• Before you subscribed to Bulletproof Writing, you would pore over your grammar textbook while sweating from every pore of your skin (yuck).
• This is because you used to have poor grammar skills.

 

Desert vs. dessert

The word desert can be that hot place with sand dunes, or it can be a derivative of the word deserve, as in “You got your just deserts,” i.e., just what you deserve.

The emphasis is on the first syllable in desert the sandy place, and it’s on the second syllable in “just deserts.”

Dessert is that decadent chocolate thing the waitress brings you at the end of the meal.

An easy way to remember how to differentiate between desert and dessert is that dessert is sweet, and therefore needs an extra s.

 

Pain vs. pang

I originally wanted to say that pain is physical while pang is emotional, but that doesn’t completely work.

On the one hand, you have a pain in your jaw when someone hits you with a left hook (physical), and you have pangs of regret when you say No to that decadent chocolate dessert the waitress brought you (emotional).

On the other hand, if you were a hobo during the depression, you might have a lot of painful memories (emotional) of constantly experiencing hunger pangs (physical).

 

Birth vs. berth

Many husbands want to give their wives a wide berth when the latter are giving birth. Perhaps these men will book a berth on the next cruise to Alaska.

 

Born vs. borne

Children and goats are born; their mothers have borne them. Usually the human mothers have borne a lot of aggravation while raising their children (but it’s all worth it :).

 

Precedent vs. precedence

At yesterday’s meeting, you set a precedent for giving precedence to the most senior member of your club.

And by the way, what you did was without precedent in the club’s history.

 

Incident vs. incidence

When you got home from the meeting, however, you reported a robbery incident that took place at your house. You’re pretty upset about the increasing incidence of crime incidents in your neighborhood.

 

You’ve got another think/thing coming

If you think that what I’m about to say is wrong, you have another think coming.

DO NOT think that you can use the expression “another thing coming.” It is wrong.

I don’t care if Prof. Google says it’s okay. He also says you can say alright instead of all right and alot instead of a lot. No, no, no.

Remember: the word think can be a noun sometimes, as in “I’ll have to give your marriage proposal a think, Caligula.”

And if Caligula thinks she’ll say Yes, he might just have another think coming.

 

Worst/worse comes to worst

I have always hated it when people used “worst comes to worst”; how can something come to the same thing?

“Worse comes to worst” makes so much more sense! After all, it’s a progression. Remember the superlative in Mad Libs? Bad, worse, worst. You go from bad to worse, and from worse to worst.  Finito.

But.

You apparently are allowed to say “If worst comes to worst.” This is what it means: The worst possible situation in theory comes to the worst possible situation in practice.

Now I can give those who use “worst comes to worst” the benefit of the doubt. Still, personally, I don’t like it. It reminds me of “another thing coming.”

 

For all intents and purposes

Please don’t tell me you thought it was “For all intensive purposes.”

If you did, however, all is forgiven. You’ve simply used an eggcorn.

If you click on the above link, you will discover that Merriam-Webster uses “for all intensive purposes” as their definition of an eggcorn; we’re twins! Wikipedia and I are, too.

 

***

New course!

What other embarrassing mistakes have you seen in the books you’ve read? I’d love to compile a list; especially since I’m thinking of giving a course in self-editing.

Interested in the course? Then click here and I’ll put you on the waiting list. I’m offering a beta version at a reduced price to a limited number of people. The beta course will include hands-on stuff with me and interaction with the other students, and you’ll be helping to shape my flagship alpha course.

 

Happy writing!

Deena

Deena Nataf

www.BulletproofWriting.com

Deena@BulletproofWriting.com

In my last post we explored what’s new in The Chicago Manual of Style‘s just-released 17th edition. In this post, I’d like to discuss a few other new and expanded issues in Chicago that will put you at the top of the crowded writer’s world.

Subjunctive vs. indicative mood

Simply put, subjunctive is the “If I were you” construct, while indicative is the regular construct (notice my “professional” vocabulary).

This section (5.124) has been expanded by Chicago, which gives us five uses of the subjunctive mood:

• Statements contrary to fact: “If my grandmother were a trolley car, she’d have wheels.”

 

 

 

• 
• Conjectures: “Were I to have gotten to Costco on time I might have prevented her from buying the wrong toilet paper.”
• Demands: “I insist she take the toilet paper back.”
• Wishful thinking: “If you were the king of Siam I’d marry you.”
• Suggestions: “We recommend she marry the king of Thailand instead.”

Sometimes whether to use subjunctive or not is quite nuanced, and it’s difficult to determine which mood to use:

“Nobody knew what color my grandmother’s hair really was, because she dyed it blonde. We couldn’t figure out if she was originally a redhead or if she was a brunette.”

Here you wouldn’t use the subjunctive mood because it’s a fact that Grandma dyed her hair; we’re just wondering whether she was born with red or brown hair. Or as Chicago puts it:

When the action or state might be true but the writer does not know, the indicative is called for instead of the subjunctive.

On the other hand, what if we said:

“My grandmother is a redhead, but she dyes her hair blonde. If she were a brunette, she’d have a much harder time dyeing it blonde.”

In this case we do need to use the subjunctive, because a brown-haired grandma is contrary to facts.

How about the following sentences; which one is correct?

1. Indicative: “If it wasn’t for my brother, I’d have been an only child.”
2. Subjunctive: “If it weren’t for my brother, I’d have been an only child.”

If you guessed #2, you’d be correct, as in this sentence you need the subjunctive.

 

Chicago also warns against using the subjunctive when you really do need the indicative:

1. Indicative: “I went out with him in order to see if he was Mr. Right.”
2. Subjunctive: “I went out with him in order to see if he were Mr. Right.”

Here, the first sentence is correct; it’s not proven either way whether he’s Mr. Right or Mr. Wrong, so you’d need the indicative.

However, check this out:

1. Indicative: “If he was Mr. Right, I’d marry him.”
2. Subjunctive: “If he were Mr. Right, I’d marry him.”

In this context you would need the subjunctive, because he isn’t Mr. Right and you won’t marry him, i.e., his being Mr. Right is contrary to facts.

You can also make this past tense, i.e., “If he had been Mr. Right, I would have married him.”

Reciprocal pronouns

This is new in Chicago; you can see it in 5.53.

Here’s the deal: Reciprocal pronouns are “each other” and “one another” – as opposed to reflexive pronouns, which are myself, yourself, himself, herself, ourselves, yourselves, and themselves.

Chicago says to use “each other” only between two people, and “one another” when referring to a group.

 

Each other

We love each other. This means that Mr. A. loves Ms. B., and Ms. B. loves Mr. A.

We don’t trust each other. However, Mr. A. never leaves his wallet lying around when Ms. B. is in the room, while Ms. B. suspects Mr. A. is already married.

 

One another

The Three Tenors and their harmonies complemented one another. Each one contributed to the collective sound.

 

When my four kids were young, they did not always cooperate with one another. But don’t worry; today they’re all best friends.

 

Reciprocal plurals

You don’t need anything fancy for the plurals of reciprocal pronouns:

We tend to get in each other’s way. Not each others’.

We respect one another’s views on global warming. Not one anothers’.

 

Reflexive pronouns

Reflexive pronouns, on the other hand, do not refer to everyone collectively. Instead, they refer to each person represented by the reflexive pronoun, but only individually. It’s not a reciprocal act or feeling.

We drive ourselves crazy. Mr. A. drives himself crazy about his relationship with Ms. B, and Ms. B. drives herself crazy about her relationship with Mr. A., but, interestingly, Mr. A. and Ms. B. don’t drive each other crazy about their relationship.

The Three Tenors complimented one another after the concert, but each one secretly chastised himself for his poor performance. This means that the Three Tenors are very polite to and supportive of each member of the trio, but each one is hard on himself individually.

We siblings hosed down ourselves, and then we hosed down one another. Our parents hosed down themselves, and then hosed down each other. Each sibling and each spouse was already wet when they hosed down the others.

 

 

 

One more quick and dirty rule

Chicago has expanded their already comprehensive “Glossary of Problematic Words and Phrases” (5.250). While perusing it, I found another pet peeve of mine, so I thought I’d share.

All vs. all of

This one bugs me, mostly because I can’t figure out what to do half the time. Here’s the rule, broken into 2 parts:

1. Use all in most cases, including before a possessive pronoun (my, your, his, her, our, their).
2. The most common usage of “all of” is when it precedes an objective pronoun (me, you, him, her, us, them).
   

For example:

• The Beatles wrote a song called “All My Lovin’.”
• Led Zeppelin wrote a song called “All of My Love.” Naughty Jimmy and Robert!
• You can copy all the recipes in the book.
• The lawyer put all the responsibility of the case on the paralegal’s shoulders.
• Steve Martin and Lily Tomlin starred in a movie called “All of Me.”
• Grandpa’s will includes all of you.
• Like my cookies? You can have all of them.

 

The issue of indicative vs. subjunctive mood is complicated and filled with nuance, and you won’t always get it right. However, just learning and imbibing the rules puts you way far ahead of the pack of average writers out there. Knowing these subtle grammar rules is what will separate you from the mediocre masses.

Let me know in the Comments how this post will help you in your writing endeavors. And as always…

 

Happy writing,

Deena Nataf

BulletproofWriting.com

Deena@BulletproofWriting.com

 

 

 

As The Chicago Manual of Style has just come out with their 17th edition, I thought it would be a great opportunity to go over some tricky yet ubiquitous grammar and style issues.

The use of “they” as a singular, gender-neutral pronoun

This has been clarified in the new edition (5.48, 5.256).

Since English does not have a gender-neutral pronoun for people, a writer must do some pretty fancy footwork in order to keep his or her writing acceptable to all.

Personally, I couldn’t care less if a writer uses “he,” “him,” and “his” when she writes about a generic person, but I myself try to spread gender equality in these blogs. In fact, see if you can identify two techniques I’ve employed in these opening paragraphs as workarounds for the male pronoun issue.

The new edition of The Chicago Manual of Style clarifies the use of “they,” “them,” and “their” (emphases in bold, below, are mine):

They and their have become common in informal usage, but neither is considered fully acceptable in formal writing, though they are steadily gaining ground. For now, unless you are given guidelines to the contrary, be wary of using these forms in a singular sense.

I too dislike the use of third-person plural for the generic singular and try hard to avoid it. Therefore, yay, Chicago.

However, what’s a girl (or boy) to do?

Chicago lists several techniques for getting around the gender issue,even in the 16th edition (2.255). I have made a convenient chart that comprises some of them:

 

Get your own copy of this chart here!

Agreement in first and second person

• I write.
• You fold laundry.
• He eats chili con carne.
• Y’all come back now, hear?
• They took a sled to Grandma’s house.

We also know (or should know; if not, I’m telling you now) that if you have two subjects in a sentence linked with the word and, you always use a plural verb:

• Cagney and Lacey arrest the bad guys.
• Laurel and Hardy were not funny.
• Punch and Judy are hardheaded.

However, when you have two singular subjects linked with the word or, you always use the singular verb:

• Either Mr. Kramer or Mrs. Kramer is going to get custody of Junior Kramer.
• Either Mr. Smith’s dog or Mrs. Jones’s dog tramples my hydrangeas.
• “Neither you, Rudolph, nor you, Prancer, are galloping fast enough,” said Santa.
• Neither Rudolph nor Prancer is galloping fast enough, thought Santa.

 

 

But what happens when you have two subjects in an or sentence, and each one requires a different form of the verb?

Aha.

No doubt, because there were too many queries about this in The Chicago Manual of Style‘s Q and A, the editors created a new entry once and for all in the 17th edition.

Chicago tells us that common wisdom is to use whatever form the noun closest to the verb requires, e.g.:

• Neither he nor I am good at geometry.
• Either you or your sister needs to pick up the prescription.
• Neither I nor you are ready to stop fighting.
• Either he or his sons cook dinner Friday nights.

However, these sentences are terribly awkward, and therefore Chicago‘s recommendation is to recast the sentence. I’ll give you two choices for each one:

• Neither of us is good at geometry.
• We are not good at geometry.
• One of you needs to pick up the prescription.
• Either you need to pick up the prescription or one of your sisters needs to pick it up.
• We are not ready to stop fighting.
• The two of us are not ready to stop fighting.
• Either he or his sons will cook dinner Friday nights.
• One of the male members of the family cooks dinner Friday nights.

 

A few changes from the 16th edition

Some of the following are going to be difficult for me to get used to, but one must keep up with the times – especially when it comes to such weighty issues (not):

1. No more comma after etc. (6:20):

America, Albania, Argentina, etc. begin with the letter A.

 

2. The word ibid. is no longer preferred in footnotes and endnotes; a shorter form of the source is now recommended (14:34):

1. Barbara W. Tuchman, The Proud Tower: A Portrait of the World before the War, 1890–1914 (NY: Ballantine Books, 1966), 261.
2. The Proud Tower, 429.

 

 

3. The word email is now written without a hyphen (7:80), the word internet is now lower case (7:89), and the word decision-making carries a hyphen in both noun and adjectival forms (ibid. – just kidding):

In the busy world of the internet, decision-making concerning which blog to subscribe to is difficult, if not impossible. Therefore, I’ve made the decision-making process much easier. Just give me your email address and I’ll subscribe you to Bulletproof Writing. Go ahead and subscribe here.

***

The Chicago Manual of Style is, in my opinion, the source for both writers and editors. Either the physical book or the online version is worth buying. I encourage you to check it out, buy it, and use it!

Do you already use The Chicago Manual of Style? If not, are  you going to buy it? What other reference books to you refer to when writing? Let me know in the Comments below, and perhaps I’ll focus on one of them in a future post.

 

Happy writing!

 

 

 

Deena Nataf

www.BulletproofWriting.com

Deena@BulletproofWriting.com

Imagine trying to make your way on the monkey bars in the playground, but one of the long poles was a foot lower than the other. While interesting, it would be quite a challenge, no doubt leaving you will a back ache and an especially sore arm.

Or imagine a gymnast working on the parallel bars – only side to side, not facing forward.

Just as geometrical shapes have an elegance and logic to them, so too do your sentences need to be elegant, well-structured, and logical. Take the Pythagorean theorem, for example. Which of the following “theorems” would be more challenging to work on?

 

 

Non-parallel sentences might not be as interesting as unbalanced monkey bars or wonky geometrical shapes, but they are a challenge for your reader.

 

Definition of parallel structure

Parallel structure is using the same type of verb/noun/syntax/diction in the same sentence or group of sentences.

You might have heard it called parallelism or parallel construction. Simply put, parallel structure makes your writing clearer and therefore your reader’s job easier.

Let’s start with some examples of nonparallel structure, what’s wrong with them, and how to fix them.

Diane picked cherries, apples, and pruned grapevines. Basically this means that Diane, in addition to picking cherries and apples, picked grapevines that were already pruned.

But let’s assume that all Diane wanted to do was prune the grapevines, not pick them. How would we modify the sentence to reflect this?

 

If your nouns want to share a verb (such as “picked”), they must exclude all other nouns that don’t need the same verb:

“Diane picked cherries and apples, and pruned grapevines.”

 

Add “and”

Watch how adding the word “and” to the following two sentences will help your readers understand what you’re trying to say:

1. “I’m studying law, economics, biology, and working all at the same time.”

Try: “I’m studying law, economics, and biology, and I’m also working.”

2.     “She’s a gardener, pool hall owner, and mothers her children exceptionally well.”

Try: “She’s a gardener and pool hall owner, and mothers her children exceptionally well.”

3.      “I am writing a blog, a journal, and have written a memoir.” (Here we have the same verb, but two different forms of it: “am writing” and “have written.”)

Try: “I am writing a blog and a journal, and I have written a memoir.”

 

Restructure the offending sentence

There are other types of nonparallel sentences that beg for reworking. Read the following, and their alternatives:

1. “He wants a million dollars, a house on Park Avenue, and to read the Wall Street Journal all day.”

Try: “He wants to earn a million dollars, to own a house on Park Avenue, and to read the Wall Street Journal all day.”

2. She carefully and with patience opened the gift. (Use either two adverbs or two adverbial phrases, not one of each.)

Try: “She carefully and patiently opened the gift.”

3. “Sit down here, or you can go out to play.” (First clause uses a command, while the second does not.)

Try: “Sit down here or go out to play.” Or “You can sit down here or you can go out to play.” Your choice here will depend on what mood you are trying to get across.

 

 

Liberate yourself from the obvious

You can certainly be creative with your sentences; no need to copy me. Parallel structure doesn’t mean that you need to stay with one sentence, nor does it mean you need to keep the exact same verbs. Liberate yourself from any writing straitjackets you’ve convinced yourself have to be given their due. How about the following:

• “I’m studying law, economics, and biology. I’m working as well.” Here, I’m using all gerund/participles (“ing” words), but I divided my information into two sentences. (Did you notice I used nonparallel structure in the previous sentence? Did it work or not? Would you have written it differently?)
• “She’s a gardener, a pool hall owner, and an exceptional mother.” Here, I restructured the sentence so the verb “is” would cover all three nouns.
• “I wrote a memoir last year, and this year I am writing both a blog post a journal.” Here, I switched the order of the clauses and changed the verb forms.
• “If he had a million dollars he could live on Park Avenue as well as read the Wall Street Journal all day.” If I had written “…he could live on Park Avenue and read the Wall Street Journal all day,” you might have thought he could live on Park Avenue all day. Therefore, I substituted “as well as” for “and.”
  

Bottom line: Keep your readers uppermost in your mind. How can you help them understand your prose better?

 

Help your reader hear correctly

Parallel structure applies to all parts of speech and to all types of sentence structure. It also influences how the reader hears your sentences in his or her mind.

Consider how jarring the following examples are:

• “I came, I saw, I conquered. You are going, hearing, and losing.” In this example, you’re trying to create a mood. However, although you have two sentences, the rhythm is all wrong because the way you’ve structured your idea begs parallel sentences. Try “You went, you heard, and you lost” for the second sentence, and see how much better and impactful it sounds.
• “Henry grew up in the poorest section of town, he bought his groceries with food stamps, and I’m going to Harvard.” This is what I call a “Do you walk to school or do you carry your lunch” sentence. The fact that you have two different types of verbs here (past and gerund/participle) is the least of your problems. Let’s assume you’re trying to create a parallel between being poor and going to an elite university that stands for wealth and blue blood. That’s fine, but you must employ logical connections and transitions. Don’t assume your readers have ESP. You are the only one who probably understands your own thought process in this sentence.
• “O, thou, rose, the sweetest-smelling flower, nectar of the gods. You rock!” If you want to sound like Shakespeare (or anyone else, for that matter), you need to be consistent.
• “Merrily we roll along, and we choose our destination haphazardly.” Here, you want to keep verbs and pronouns in the same place on both sides of the comma. You could say either “Merrily we roll along, and haphazardly we choose our destination” or “We roll along merrily and we choose our destination haphazardly.”
• “She’d like to make biscuits, cookies, and whoopee.” The problem here is that two of your objects are physical nouns, while the third is more of a physical act or concept. Doesn’t work, unless you are going for the cool, poetic, or ironic. Otherwise, keep your objects in the same class.
  

Visualize your sentence

Keeping a visual picture of your sentence in mind when you are constructing a complex one will go a long way toward achieving parallel structure. As an example, I found the following quote from Winston Churchill, which embodies sophisticated parallelism. I will cite it here, then break it down with a chart.

“The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries.”

Here’s what the sentence looks like deconstructed:

The inherent	vice	of capitalism	is the unequal sharing	of blessings
the inherent	virtue	of socialism	is the equal sharing	of miseries

 

Observe how beautifully everything lines up here, and notice how sometimes Churchill’s parallel words are the same and sometimes they are the exact opposite.

Now let’s take a nonparallel sentence and see if we can fix it up using a chart:

“Books such as the classics and A Tree Grows in Brooklyn are required reading in some English departments.”

Here there are two issues of imbalance: “the classics” and the name of a book are not parallel, and the former is plural while the latter is singular. The chart below gives you a few choices to balance the sentence. You can probably come up with more:

Books such as	the classics	and	A Tree Grows in Brooklyn	are required reading
	Older classics	as well as	modern  classics	are required reading
You are required to read	both classic	and	modern	literature
Books such as	Beowulf	and	A Tree Grows in Brooklyn	are required reading
Classics such as	Beowulf	and	A Tree Grows in Brooklyn	are required reading

 

***

The more you’re aware of the need for parallel structure, the easier it will be for you to spot and prevent problems when you sit down to write.

I found this sentence in a book I was reading on Kindle: “His hair was thinning on top and gray around the ears.”

Now, I know the author was trying to tell us that his hair hadn’t yet finished thinning out on top (gerund-participles demonstrate continuous action), while it was completely gray around the ears (simple adjectives imply a done deal), but I would have preferred either “His hair was thinning on top and graying around the ears” or “His hair was thin around the top and gray around the ears.” I would have sacrificed the exact truth (it was fiction, after all) for parallel structure, or broken the phrases into two separate sentences.

But that’s just me.

What would you have done, or not have done?

This week, see if you can spot nonparallel structure in your or others’ writing, then tell me about it in the Comments below.

Happy writing!

 

 

Deena Nataf

BulletproofWriting.com

Deena@BulletproofWriting.com

Photo by swong95765

The past was bemused by all the choices of vodka, which weren’t available to him back in the day. He was nonplussed trying to decide between Absolut, Grey Goose, and Belvedere.

The present stood watching the past, amused that the latter was so confused. Meanwhile, the future was at a table in the corner, praying he’d be bemused by Calliope so he’d be able to finish his epic poem.

 

Although all of the italicized words above are found in the dictionary, I am continually amazed (or is it bemused) by their widespread misuse and abuse, which can only confuse and sometimes amuse.

Let’s take them down one at a time.

Bemuse(d)

This one’s a bit confusing for two reasons. First, as you can read or listen to here, the original definition of bemuse – to be or make confused, puzzled, or bewildered – was based on a misreading of Alexander Pope’s poems, in which he intended bemuse to mean “to be inspired by or devoted to one of the muses (of art, literature, music, etc.).” Both definitions are correct nowadays.

The second reason for the confusion is that because bemuse sounds so similar to amuse, many people have attached this meaning to it. It really puts me in a nonplus (real word) when I come across bemuse in contemporary literature (especially lite literature and especially that written by semi-professionals), because most of the time I have no idea whether the author means bemuse or amuse.
Unfortunately, the American semi-professionals have won, and bemuse as a synonym of amuse is now accepted by Merriam-Webster. Thankfully, both the Oxford dictionary and the Cambridge dictionary are purists.

Here are some examples of bemuse in a sentence:

• If I believed in the muses, I’d attest that Barbara W. Tuchman was bemused by Clio.
• Debbie’s outburst bemused Donny, and he tried to make sense of it as he was taking the tomatoes out of his hair.
• “It always bemuses me when I see a bunch of people lining up for a gladiator’s autograph,” mused Zeus.

Amuse(d)

Amuse is to entertain, to occupy one’s attention, “to appeal to the sense of humor of” (quote from Merriam-Webster).

Don’t confuse yourself or your readers: use amuse when you mean amused, and don’t abuse bemuse.

Examples:

• My son’s antics amused me, until I remembered that he’s 45 years old.  
• Can you please amuse your pit bull while my chihuahua is trying to eat her Ken L Ration?

 

Confuse(d)

To be bewildered, befuddled, or blurred; or to bewilder, befuddle, or blur.

You might have figured out that confuse is very similar to bemuse; wait till you read the definition of nonplussed. But…

• I’m not going to confuse you by giving you examples of how to use the word confuse in a sentence.

 

Nonplussed

Meaning to be in a quandary, to be perplexed, to be at a loss as to what to do next, to be confused by. You can also use it in the causative sense, i.e., to put [someone] into a quandary.

If you weren’t nonplussed before, no doubt you are now.

How many of you thought nonplussed meant to be unimpressed or calm? It’s that naughty non, which in Latin doesn’t mean non.

Here are a few fun examples of nonplussed:

• Trying to decide between Harvard and Santa Monica City College left the 12th grader nonplussed.
• The fork in the road nonplussed Mr. Spoon.
• The newlywed was nonplussed by his wife’s tears after he said that her bœuf à la Bourguignonne wasn’t as good as his mother’s (the next night she ordered in from McDonald’s).

 

***

Hey, writers: embrace the beauty and diversity of the English language! We have such a rich selection of words to choose from. That’s why it’s so important to understand the subtle differences between words and to use just the right one in any given sentence.

I invite you to explore the nuances of the English language and enjoy using some new and some not-so-new words. This doesn’t mean you need to write pretentiously, as in “Is there an impediment in the thoroughfare?” when you mean “Is the road blocked?” (True story: shoot me an email if you know who said it.)

Above all, have fun; enjoy your craft! And…

 

Happy writing!

 

 

 

Deena Nataf

www.BulletproofWriting.com

Deena@BulletproofWriting.com

 

If you missed the first post in this series, click here.

If you missed the second post in this series, click here.

 

Oh, those pesky grammar rules.

How do you remember them all? Where do you go for help?

You try to recall what you learned in junior high, you google Google when no one’s watching, you email your friend who’s the head of the English department at the local high school.

But sometimes you just need a simple list.

I’ve got you covered.

[convertkit form=4987279]

Let’s go over the last three grammar challenges in my series. And at the end, everyone gets a prize!

 

Farther vs. Further

In American English, the only time you use “farther” is for physical distance.

• I can throw a bowl of Corn Flakes at my little brother farther than you can.
• She lives in Barrow, Alaska, because she wanted to be farther away from her mother-in-law.

 

For everything else, use “further.”

• I hav not pursooed any further eddication sinss forth grayde.
• Are there any further comments you need to make about my new hairdo?
• “Nothing could be further from the truth,” lied Pinocchio.
  

  Photo by Rosmarie Voegtli

Easy hack: Distance is FAR; therefore, use farther.

 

*In British English, it is acceptable to use the word “further” for distance.*

• I can throw a crumpet at my butler further than you can.

 

Imply, Infer, Indicate

Imply

To imply is to derive a  working conclusion from appearances. It’s indirect, suggestive. It hints at things:

My broken nose implied that she was a bit upset with me.

Imply is more fluid, more subjective. It’s used when making associations:

Purple hair implies nonconformism.

Imply can also be used in the sense of hinting:

By not giving Beauregard a Christmas bonus, Mrs. Clinton was implying that he was a lousy secretary.

Infer

To infer is to derive a conclusion from facts. It’s direct.

1. Cole inferred from his name that his parents, Mr. and Mrs. Black, had a sense of humor.
2. I inferred from my broken nose that our marriage was over.
3. Mrs. McGillicuddy inferred from her daughter’s purple hair that she wasn’t interested in going out with Pastor Mulcahy.
4. Beauregard inferred from his empty Christmas bonus envelope that typing 17 words a minute wasn’t quite up to snuff.

 

 

 

My boyfriend Fowler has a nice hack:

imply is on the giving end, while infer is on the receiving end.

In other words, imply gives an opinion or conclusion from what one sees or experiences, while infer receives a conclusion based on what happens.

Indicate

To indicate is to express directly or to show need.

1. Refusing to dye her hair back to auburn indicates a disinterest in being invited to Queen Elizabeth’s 91st birthday party this April.
2. My broken nose indicates that I’d better start looking in the New York Times‘s real estate section this Sunday.
3. Mrs. Clinton has indicated to me that I should clear out my desk.

Fun Fact:

Notice that there is a slight similarity between imply/infer and connote/denote. For more on connote and denote, see my last comedy grammar post.

[convertkit form=4987279]

Shall vs. Will

This one is nation-dependent, and the two nations, the United States and England, are at complete opposite sides of the rules.

In American English, will is used in first person (singular and plural), and shall is used for second and third persons (people? Joke.). In British English, shall is used in first person (singular and plural), while will is used for second and third persons.

However…

When you want to make a stronger statement, you reverse the rules in both countries, i.e., in American English you’d use shall in first person and will for second and third persons, and in British English you’d use will in first person and shall for second and third persons.

Although…

Nowadays we tend to blur the lines, but I feel it’s important you get the rules straight before you choose to break them.

But…

When you are asking a question, you’d do the following:

• Shall I jump out the window?
• Will you please buy me a back hoe?

Examples, finally

1. Regular, everyday situations (not)

• “I will floss my teeth every night after dancing on the Champs Elysees,” indicated the American in Paris.
• “Egads!” replied Prince Charles, “I shall have my butler floss my teeth after he cleans up the crumpet I threw at him.”
• In the United States, you shall be nauseated if you order a hamburger, along with a Coke in a dirty glass.
• In London, you will be nauseated if Harrod’s serves you strawberries with sour cream.
• Betty Crocker shall throw her apple pie crust against the wall in order to prove that it shall bounce right back at her.
• Elton John will throw his piano at Adele if she wins another Grammy.

2. Being emphatic

• I shall clean you out of your life savings if you don’t sell me Grandma Bush’s cattle ranch in Texas.
• I will indubitably be forced to relieve you of your life savings if you continue to occupy Kensington Palace.
• You will pick up your dirty Levis off the floor or you will absolutely not be allowed to go to the banjo concert at Madison Square Garden.
• You shall pick up your dirty tiara off the carpeting or you shall absolutely not be allowed to go to the tennis match at Wimbledon.
• My brother-in-law will move to Albania if The Donald becomes president.
• Prime Minister Cameron shall resign if Brexit is voted in.

 

***

Prizes!

As this is the last in my “Grammar Questions You’ve Been Too Embarrassed to Ask” series, I would like to give away a helpful and free ebook outlining all the issues I covered in this three-part series. Click here to receive your prize.

Happy writing,

 

 

Deena Nataf

www.BulletproofWriting.com

Deena@BulletproofWriting.com