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Comedy Grammar

The Importance of a Great Title (and other important writing and grammar stuff)

November 20, 2020 by Deena Nataf Leave a Comment

I don’t know why I keep torturing myself.

How many poorly written (but historical, so that makes it better, no?) novels will I suffer through before I get rid of my Kindle Unlimited subscription?

Is it really that difficult to learn the difference between pouring and poring? Principle and principal? (Pro tip: click on the links for my explanations.)

Alternatively, how hard is it to subscribe to my blog?

 

 

The importance of a good book (or story) title

If my frustration with poorly written books weren’t enough, some of the titles also leave much to be desired. Many do not explain what the book is about, or lack a subtitle to do the heavy lifting. Granted, this is less of a problem in fiction. But take a look below for examples of both poor and outstanding titles, and what you can do to make sure your title will make your book, story, or article as sell-able and readable as possible!

1. A title must be relevant

I just finished reading a wonderful book for all ages, The Journey that Saved Curious George: The True Wartime Escape of Margret and H. A. Rey, by Louise Borden, illustrations by Allan Drummond. It tells the story of how the Curious George books got written and published, thanks to the authors’ escape from France in 1940 with the manuscripts and original artwork in bags hanging off their bicycles.

In the book, Borden tells us that the original title of the first Curious George book was The Adventures of Fifi.

Now, how many of you would want to buy, not to mention read, a book called The Adventures of Fifi? It sounds like a book about a spoiled French female poodle with those awful fluffy curls in different places on its body. (And they’re even uglier when they’re not coiffed.)

But Curious George? Now that’s a fun name! It makes you want to sit down right away and open the book. Granted, H. A. Rey’s gorgeous illustrations help too, but even if you had just heard the title without seeing the book you’d probably be, well, curious.

So make sure the title of whatever you write is relevant to the book or story itself. Nobody would think that an adorable, lovable, spunky monkey would have a name like Fifi.

2.  A title must be written with an eye to marketing

My husband told me about a famous nonfiction book, Ideas Have Consequences, by Richard M. Weaver. Weaver wanted to title the book The Fearful Descent, but his editor (thankfully) nixed that idea. According to an article I read about the book and its title war, “Sensing that this title would not exactly thrill the public, the director of the University of Chicago Press insisted on Ideas Have Consequences…Weaver hated the change and threatened to cancel the book’s publication. But Weaver’s editor had good marketing instincts. “Ideas have consequences”…remains familiar even as Weaver himself has sunk into obscurity. [Emphasis mine.]

To emphasize this even further, take Louise Penny’s outstanding novel, A Rule Against Murder. In the UK, it’s called The Murder Stone. Likewise, the first Harry Potter Book, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, is called Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone in the UK. Book titles change according to region as well as what the publishers in each country feel would best sell. (I’ve even encountered books whose title changed a few years after publication, its author and publisher hoping for better sales.)

Whether you’re planning on selling your writing, or merely want to share it with friends and family, you need good “marketing.” By this I mean you need a way to draw your target audience, to make them want to read and/or buy the book.

3. A title must tell you something about the book – succinctly

I was also tooling through the book list of an indie publisher a few weeks ago, and I was struck by how uninformative the titles were. Here are a few:

Excitement in the Air for All!

This is one of a series entitled “Animals Build Character.” The problem here is that we have no idea 1) which animal is being featured, and 2) what the book is about. However, the overarching error is the series title. Are the animals actually doing the building for you? Or is this a statement of fact, like if you look at an ant, you’ll be a more industrious person? Or just a hint that these stories of talking animals will inspire children to have better character traits?

Aging in Wellness and Adversity

What this book needs is a good subtitle: Is it a how-to book or a series of reflections on aging in different circumstances? Another issue is that “wellness” is not necessarily the opposite of “adversity,” so the title is a bit unbalanced.

Being Your Best Self

Well, gee, we all want to be our best selves, but what does this book have to offer me that makes it different from the other 100 million self-help books out there? The problem is not only the lack of a subtitle but also a title that is way too vague.

The Fittest Survivor

Maybe it’s just me, but it took me like 10 minutes to figure out that the title was a nod to Darwin’s Survival of the Fittest theory. Plus, I needed help from the blurb. At first I thought the book might be about someone who was in great physical shape, but the book is about a Holocaust survivor.

Remember: Online or in a bookstore, you only have about 30 seconds to engage a potential reader and sell your book, so make sure the customer knows what it’s about, and if possible, what makes it different from everyone else’s.

 

What’s doing with NaNoWriMo?

For those of you who are doing National Novel Writing Month, affectionately called NaNoWriMo, you’ve reached the other side of the . This is where we separate the men from the boys.

I recently came across an article about why there’s more than just your novel at stake if you quit now. You can read it here.

Remember: Even if you’re not writing a novel, NaNoWriMo is great for developing a daily writing habit. If you didn’t sign up for NaNo, don’t let that stop you from beginning your very own writing habit TODAY. Here’s one of my posts that will help you with this.

 

Do you have any classic examples of either fabulous or not-so-fabulous book or story titles? Let all of us know in the Comments below.

And do tell me how you’re doing with your writing ritual and/or NaNo.

Until next time,

Happy Writing!

 

(Note: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links, where I get a small fee if you buy – at no extra cost to you.)

 

Filed Under: Comedy Grammar, Tips for the Writing Life

Improve Your Writing in 5 Steps

January 22, 2020 by Deena Nataf Leave a Comment

improve your writing

I came across this fantastic blog post by Leah McClellan of Simple Writing, which discusses 5 ways to improve your writing. I thought it was too good to keep to myself. What follows are the 5 ways, in my own words, and with commentary and examples. In keeping with my Bulletproof Writing mission, I have endeavored to use as few technical words as possible.

 

1. Don’t introduce sentences with fluff

Get to the point, fast. Instead of, say, “She was the kind of girl who loved ice skating,” simplify with, “She loved to ice skate.”

Here are some other no-nos. Those in red indicate unsuccessful sentences; those in blue are more successful:

“There are a lot of people who are sitting in the auditorium” vs. “Many people are sitting in the auditorium“

“It was your tone of voice that bothered me” vs. “Your tone of voice bothered me“

For more about excessive verbiage, see my posts here and here.

 

2. Avoid repetition

Although in the original post Leah warns against repeating the same words at the beginning of sentences and paragraphs (“She walked in the door. She took off her glasses. She put up the kettle for tea.”), I would expand that to the entire piece. I cannot tell you how many times I have come across the same or a similar word being used time after time, in sentence after sentence. (Did you notice just I did it, too? See below for a suggested correction.)

It’s hard for an author to see this type of mistake, because he or she is too close to the matter. This is a major reason why you need an editor to go over your work; they are one degree removed from the text and can see things with a fresh eye. Here are a few examples of the repetition problem:

“I’m not about to talk about the problem” vs. “I will not talk about the problem” or “I am not about to discuss this problem“

“Bert tried to find an appropriate word for the sentence he was writing. In the meantime, his daughter walked into the room wearing a dress that was not appropriate for church. He finally found the appropriate word, and was then able to address himself to his daughter’s inappropriate dress.” vs. “Bert tried to find the right word for the sentence he was writing. In the meantime, his daughter walked into the room wearing too casual a dress for church. He finally found the word he needed, and was then able to deal with his daughter’s inappropriate sartorial choice.”

“I cannot tell you how many times I have come across the same or a similar word being used time after time, in sentence after sentence” vs. “I cannot tell you how frequently I come across the same or a similar word being used time after time, in sentence after sentence“

 

Rereading your pieces multiple times will go a long way toward eliminating repetition such as the above. And reading your prose out loud never goes out of fashion.

For more tips on self-editing, see my post here.

 

3. Use fewer -ing words

Here I have very little to add to what Leah wrote. Pay attention to too many –ings in your writing. Your prose will sound more assertive and self-confident.

“You will no doubt be noticing that your writing is becoming more assertive and self-confident” vs. “Notice that your writing is more assertive and self-confident” or “Your writing has become more assertive and self-confident” or “You write assertively and self-confidently.”

Just a word from our sponsor: It is fine to use the phrase, “your writing,” as the word writing functions as a noun here.

“Yesterday, while it was raining, I was sitting at my computer contemplating writing a blog post. The phone was ringing nonstop, and I was finding myself not paying attention to what I was planning on writing.” vs. “It rained yesterday morning. While I sat at my computer, I thought about what to write for my next blog post. Every few minutes, the phone rang, and it was difficult to pay attention to the task at hand.”

In the corrected version, I’ve deleted all the –ing words, but of course you can leave some of them! Sometimes, it’s helpful to go all the way in the opposite direction before you find that “golden mean.” I highly recommend your trying to write without any –ing words for 10–15 minutes as a writing exercise.

What about parallel structure?

Sometimes you do need to use the same type of words in one sentence: “I’m reading, writing, and listening to music.” It would be wrong to say, “I’m reading, I write, and I have listened to music.”  For more information on and examples of parallel structure, see my post here.

 

4. Pay attention to prepositions

Leah has a chart of common prepositions in her article; check it out and find some new ones!

I see two issues with regard to prepositions: using one unnecessarily and using either the wrong or a weak one.

Unnecessary prepositions

“the teacher of the yoga class” vs. “the yoga teacher“

Since I so actively dislike “the ____ of the _____,” I’ll go out on a limb here and give you permission even to write, “the woman who teaches the yoga class.”

“the scent of the perfume” vs. “the perfume’s scent“

“the girl with black hair” vs. “the black-haired girl“

“the boy had guilt written all over his face” vs. “the boy was guilt-ridden” (would be even better to Show instead of Tell here)

“the boy with guilt written all over  his face” vs. “the guilt-ridden boy“

Pay attention to “the ____ of the ____” structure that cannot be changed, for example:

Secretary of State

“Ladies and gentlemen, the president of the United States”

“Top o’ the morning to you”

…and look up official terms to see what is proper in your particular corner of the world, such as Ministry of the Interior vs. Interior Ministry.

Wrong or weak prepositions

The wrong preposition

Sometimes it’s difficult to figure out which preposition goes with a verb. Many times, you can get your answer from a dictionary (affiliate link). Don’t want to buy one? Use Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary.

In any case, if I’m stuck, I generally try to figure out which preposition to use by saying the sentence out loud. For example, recently I came across the following in a book I was editing: “Who can help hold you accountable on your goals?” I knew the preposition on was incorrect, but this was a tricky one. When I said the sentence aloud, the preposition to jumped out at me: “Who can help hold you accountable to your goals?”

Other times, the issue is which pronoun to use in a certain cliché or expression. For instance, “It’s hard on me.” This would work if you were talking about parenting: “Being a mother of an ADHD kid is hard on me and my nerves.” However, if you were discussing math, you’d need the preposition for, i.e., “These algebra problems are hard for me.”

A weak preposition

There are so many interesting and less common prepositions out there! Try a new one for a change, for more colorful prose (and see Leah’s list):

“Barbie got on the ship” vs. “Barbie went aboard the ship” or “Barbie ascended the gangplank” (here, there’s no preposition)

“Ken sat on top of the mountain” vs. “Ken sat atop the mountain“

“Curtis stood in front of me” vs. “Curtis stood opposite me“

For more on prepositions, see my post here.

 

5. Beware of “fillers”

Leah calls the following words “filters,” because “they place a barrier between your character and his or her thoughts, feelings, and perceptions. They create wordiness, too, and make readers focus on unnecessary words instead of what’s really going on”: feel, see, hear, know, hear, smell, realize, wonder, decide, notice, remember, think, wonder, watch, seem, note (he noted that), sounded like, able to (they were able to), and experience (she experienced something).  Check these out:

“Bobby smelled the cloying scent of his mother’s perfume” vs. “The cloying scent of his mother’s perfume made Bobby’s nose twitch” or “The perfume’s scent overwhelmed the small room” or “Bobby sneezed from the cloying scent of his mother’s perfume.”

By the way, notice that I did not write “His mother’s perfume’s cloying scent.” In most cases, use just one possessive per clause.

“It looked like they were able to tie the knot tightly” vs. “They tied the knot tightly“

“She decided to go to the library” vs. “She went to the library“

“I wondered how the otter made the dam” vs. “How did the otter make the dam?“

“He appeared to be preoccupied by the amount of work he needed to do” vs. “His workload preoccupied him” or “He was preoccupied by the amount of work he needed to do” or “He had a lot of work” or “He was busy” (would be even better to Show instead of Tell here).

For more on sentence structure, see my post here.

 

***

 

Find ways to introduce previously unused – or underused – words into your writing. Use less fluff and fewer fillers. Watch out for repetition. Expand your preposition repertoire.

Committing to just a few of these tweaks will make your prose more descriptive and less average. Let me know in the Comments which ones you choose.

Special thanks to Leah McClellan of Simple Writing. Here’s the link to her post again.

Happy writing!

Deena

Deena Nataf

BulletproofWriting.com

Deena@BulletproofWriting.com

Filed Under: Writing Techniques, Comedy Grammar

Using “One” in a Sentence

December 3, 2019 by Deena Nataf Leave a Comment

using one in a sentence

 

I don’t know about you, but I find it a bit off-putting when I see the term one overused in literature and conversation:

One could choose from soles of leather, resin…and, one hoped, eco-friendly in origin…although why one would purchase tap shoes without taps didn’t make such sense.

Like, when are you going to put a real pronoun in?

On the other hand, perhaps one is talking about the human race and not about a specific person. What’s one to do then?

In light of a query from one of my subscribers about using one in a sentence, and I decided to expand on it here.

Here are some questions that come up with the one issue:

  • When do we use one, and for what type of prose?
  • What are some alternatives to one?
  • Can one mix and match pronouns in the same sentence or paragraph?

We’ll go over these one (!) by one. But first, a short overview.

 

The pronoun one: an overview

The pronoun one is called a generic pronoun, a gender-neutral pronoun, an indefinite pronoun, and an impersonal pronoun. Take your pick.

It is often used in place of you, and sometimes it’s even used in place of I (see below). Many grammar pundits consider one to be more formal, nay, haughty.

Writers who are sensitive to gender issues use the pronoun one in order to avoid employing the male pronoun, i.e., he. Although you can be used as a gender-neutral pronoun as well, one seems to get the job done better when one wants a bit of distance between one and one’s readers, or when one is making an important point:

  • A flight cancellation can really ruin one’s day.
  • One must never give up.

 

Using the pronoun one

Many British authors use one extensively, even in casual conversation and even in contemporary fiction. Very often, the speaker uses it to refer to himself or herself (“the royal one“):

  • It was just so difficult when one didn’t feel hunger.
  • “One could tell from the first that it was only Missa he would ever care for.”
  • “It’s beaten into one from childbirth.”

American authors, however, use mainly I, you, or a noun such as “a person” or “people.”

One can also be used to express general human behavior:

  • One uses a spoon and not one’s hands to eat ice cream.
  • Excessive drinking can potentially put one into an awkward position.
  • A nice compliment from the teacher makes one work harder.

As I said above, you will notice that these sentences put a bit of distance between the speaker/writer and the listener/reader.

When is one appropriate?

You’ll get a feel for when to use the indefinite pronoun, and when not. Formal vs. informal is one yardstick. For instance, if you are writing about Marie Antoinette, you might want to say, “One is not amused” or “Let one eat cake.” There is also the cultural issue, as I mentioned, with regard to some British authors.

The use of one also works for instruction manuals and other pedagogic prose:

  1. One should be sure to turn off the electricity before one changes a light bulb.
  2. One doesn’t use curse words at the Vatican.
  3. If one is insensitive to the dog, it is likely to bite.
  4. After one says the blessing, one permitted to partake of the meal.

Are there alternatives to one?

Yes, there are. Here are four, based on the above sentences:

  1. Substitute one one with a gerund: “One should be sure to turn off the electricity before changing a light bulb.”
  2. Substitute the pronoun clause with a command: “Do not use curse words at the Vatican.”
  3. Use the passive case (sparingly): “Insensitive veterinarians will get bitten by their patients.”
  4. Use a different pronoun (and consider making the sentence less formal): “After you say the blessing, you can eat.”

 

Segueing into other pronouns

Sometimes, you can or must use more than one pronoun in a sentence. When I was working on an English translation of the Talmud, our team decided to go from one to he after only one one. We simply felt the sentences would sound better and be less “heavy.” Here’s an example:

If one performs any action without specification of intent, it is also considered as if he performed it expressly for its sake.

If you do decide to switch pronouns, make sure you go back to one when you get to a new subject. Here’s something I made up:

When one goes to the beach, she should put on suntan lotion. She might also consider using a beach umbrella. Her wallet can be kept underneath her towel. She’ll probably want to relax on her towel when she gets out of the water.

However, when one goes shopping, he should look at the prices of a few different options before deciding which product to buy. He will find that the products on the lower shelves are often cheaper than those at eye level. The healthiest food is displayed around the perimeter of the store, so he should begin his shopping experience there.

Other gender-neutral ideas

There are other alternatives to the use of one in a sentence, even when you are writing formally. For example, you can use a noun or “they.” Sometimes, just plain rewriting will solve all your problems. You can find out more about this here, in a post where I discuss gender-neutral pronouns.

Here’s the chart from that post:

gender-neutral pronouns

 

You can get the chart for home use by clicking here.

One last thing

Keep a lookout for confusing sentences when using one:

If one complains, one needs to address the issue.

Now, does this mean that if an individual complains, he himself needs to figure out why he’s complaining? Or does it mean that if person X complains to person Y, the latter needs to deal with it?

It would be better to rewrite the sentence to be more specific, i.e., “If someone complains to you, you need to address the issue.” Or “If you complain, you need to figure out what is bothering you.”

***

Please let me know if you have any writing, editing, or grammar questions. I love tailoring my posts to what my tribe wants!

And as always,

 

Happy Writing!

Deena

www.BulletproofWriting.com

Deena@BulletproofWriting.com

Filed Under: Writing Techniques, Comedy Grammar

Why I Walked out of a Musical and What It Has to Do with Writing

January 16, 2019 by Deena Nataf Leave a Comment

self-editing

 

I’ve been busy these past two weeks redoing my course “Wake Up Your Prose: Description Unpacked.” The beta version launched almost two years ago, and I’m almost ready to launch the alpha version. I’m very excited about it, and I know it will be a worthwhile investment for those who buy it.

 

Books I’m [not] reading

I finally admitted defeat and put down Middlemarch. I really liked it, but there were so many other books on my shelf and my Kindle that I couldn’t find the time to resume reading it. I haven’t given up on myself, though, and hope to try again sometime later…

I picked up a Kate Atkinson book, Started Early, Took My Dog, at the used bookstore last week. I had read her Life after Life, the plot of which I hated but the prose of which I loved, and I never thought I’d read her again. However, the title of this new one intrigued me enough to buy it. I’ll let you know.

I still have to pick up Warriors Don’t Cry, which I spoke about in my last email. That one is next in the queue.

 

Self-editing woes

I went to an amateur musical this week, and left in the middle. The music was fantastic, but everything else wasn’t. The biggest problem with the show was its length: 2-1/2 hours! I didn’t know how I was going to sit through that – even with an intermission.

The frustrating thing is that the authors of this musical could have cut at least a third of the scenes out – and that was just in the first act. Indeed, there were several scenes of two or three minutes’ duration whose sole purpose was to give us information and move the plot along. Such a waste of time. The authors could have written in a bit of dialogue in the longer and more important scenes, which would have gotten us from Point A to Point B a lot less painfully and sloppily, not to mention quicker.

And the point is…

So why am I telling you all this? Because the authors forgot to self-edit. Yes, even in plays, movies, poetry etc., an author needs to edit. Remember Stephen King’s warning: Kill your darlings. Here’s mine: Less is more. A streamlined, tight play would have gone over so much better, and we would’ve been out of there before 11 pm.

Likewise, make sure that everything you write – from paragraphs, to sentences, and yes, to even words – is working for you and not against you, and is earning its place.

Make every word count.

On that note, I’ve written an extremely quick and dirty Self-Editing Checklist. There is so much more to discuss about editing your own work, and my next project is to create a writer’s self-editing course; watch out for that in late 2019. However, this checklist gives you 7 of the most important things to look for when you are looking over your finished piece. You can get it here.

And do me a favor: go ahead and send the checklist to anyone else you think might benefit from it. Thanks!

 

Pesky prepositions

One of my subscribers wanted me to discuss the use of multiple prepositions. Below is an excerpt from one of my recent posts, in which I go over preposition issues. You can check out the entire post to get more explanation and other great writing tips:

I traveled over hill, dale, and over the mountain.

The sentence you just read is incorrect. The problem is the non-balanced use of the preposition over, as well as uneven use of the article the. The verb traveled applies to all the nouns, which begs some form of parallelism.

In order to right this sentence, you have a few options. I have presented them below. All of them solve the parallelism problem:

I traveled over the hill, the dale, and the mountain. Same verb and same preposition used once for all nouns; uniform use of the.

I traveled over hill, dale, and mountain. Same verb and same preposition used once for all nouns; uniform absence of the.

I traveled over hill, over dale, and over mountain. Same verb used once for all nouns, same preposition used for all nouns; uniform absence of the.

I traveled over the hill, through the dale, and across the mountain. Same verb used for all nouns; different preposition for each noun; uniform use of the.

I traveled over the hill, ran through the dale, and hiked across the mountain. Different verb for each noun – but they’re all in the past tense; different preposition for each noun; uniform use of the.

 

Don’t forget to get more editing and self-editing tips from this post and from this checklist. And, as always,

 

Happy writing!
Deena

Deena Nataf
www.BulletproofWriting.com
Deena@BulletproofWriting.com

Filed Under: Comedy Grammar

Hi! Did You Miss Me?

January 15, 2019 by Deena Nataf Leave a Comment

 

I hope you’ve been wondering what happened to me. I’ve been working on an alpha version of my course “Wake Up Your Prose: Description Unpacked”; keep your eyes peeled for the launch!

I’ve also been pondering the next steps of this blog. I’m trying a new format for the next few months. Every two weeks I’ll be posting with news, tips, a commentary on books I’m reading or am interested in, and other relevant issues. Stay tuned…

 

Books I’m reading

As usual, I’m reading a few books at the same time. I’m in the middle of The Water Is Wide, a memoir by Pat Conroy (of The Prince of Tides fame). I don’t love the book, but he is such a genius writer that I can’t leave it unfinished. I wish I had his range of vocabulary.

I’ve also been reading George Eliot’s Middlemarch for ages. It’s terrific, but I have this psychological block against reading 900 pages. If I just sat and read it and refused to allow myself to read anything else until I finished it, I’d be done already.

Hubs just finished Warriors Don’t Cry, which is an autobiography by Melba Pattillo Beals. As the subtitle says, it’s “a searing memoir of the battle to integrate Little Rock’s Central High.” I started it and put it down, but I think I will pick it up again and read it next. My husband said that just reading about the author’s grandmother and her role in the story makes the book worth it.

For my “good trash” allotment I’m reading A Rule Against Murder, by Louise Penny, who is my absolute favorite mystery author. She’s brilliant, and her books are highly intelligent psychological studies. She reminds me a bit of P. D. James, who is also a very intelligent mystery writer.

 

Grammar tip of the day

Mind those commas in dependent and independent clauses!

  • Mark Twain, who wrote Tom Sawyer, had a good sense of humor. You need two commas here, after “Twain” and after “Sawyer“; the dependent clause (“who wrote Tom Sawyer“) needs to be separated by commas. The clause is dependent, by the way, because it cannot stand by itself; it needs the rest of the sentence to make sense. And notice how if I took out the dependent clause, the rest of the sentence would still make sense: “Mark Twain had a good sense of humor.”

I’ve seen sentences such as “Mark Twain who wrote Tom Sawyer, had a good sense of humor” and “Mark Twain, who wrote Tom Sawyer had a good sense of humor.” These are both incorrect.

  • Whenever I walk into that restaurant, I always get the best seat. A dependent clause can be at the beginning of the sentence. When this happens, use a comma to separate it from the independent clause. (I’ve seen sentences such as these without the comma as well, but I don’t recommend that, because it makes it harder for the reader.)
  • I always get the best seat whenever I walk into that restaurant. When a dependent clause is at the end of the sentence, you don’t need a comma.
  • The clause is dependent, which means it cannot stand by itself; it needs the rest of the sentence to make sense. If we deleted the dependent clause here, we’d have a sentence with two independent clauses (clauses with a subject and a predicate, which can stand by themselves):
  • The clause is dependent; it needs the rest of the sentence to make sense.

(Pro tip: Never use a comma to separate between independent clauses. That would be called a comma splice, and it’s a no-no.)

Notice that I used a semicolon to separate between the clauses. I can also use a comma and/or a conjunction between two independent clauses, or I can make the clauses into separate sentences:

  • The clause is dependent because it needs the rest of the sentence to make sense.
  • The clause is dependent, as it needs the rest of the sentence to make sense.
  • The clause is dependent. It needs the rest of the sentence to make sense.

 

An appeal to my readers

Do you have any burning questions about writing or grammar? Please send them to me, and I’ll try to answer them in the next email.

I’ll be back in two weeks; until then,

 

Happy Writing!

Deena

Deena Nataf

www.BulletproofWriting.com

Deena@BulletproofWriting.com

Filed Under: Comedy Grammar

Sentence Structure 101: How to Say What You Mean

August 30, 2018 by Deena Nataf 12 Comments

In the course of my editing work I see a lot of mistakes in sentence structure: non-uniform syntax, lack of parallel structure, and misuse of punctuation. In light of this, I thought we’d go over some complex sentence constructions and discuss their do’s and don’ts.

I’ll be using a few formal grammatical terms, but not many.

Pro tip: Don’t obsess about names of terms; just learn the rules and you’ll be good to go.

 

Keep verbs consistent

When it comes to sentences with more than one verb, you need to keep them consistent.

I enjoyed an opera, opera photowent to a restaurant, and ate a hamburger at my favorite diner.

Here I made sure that I kept all the verbs past tense, but that was no reason not to throw in two (direct-object) noun and two prepositional phrases. Notice that the third part (or “clause”) of the sentence has both a noun and a prepositional phrase.

  • Tomorrow I will need to get up, get gas, and get to work.
  • Tomorrow I will be getting up at 7:00, stopping for gas on the way to work, and walking through the door of my office at 8:00.

The first sentence is meant to be a clever use of language by keeping the verbs exactly the same. The second is a basic list sentence that uses different verbs, but all of them are gerunds. Both sentence use verbs consistently.

By the way, did you notice the new color? The up and to work terms in this sentence are tricky. Grammar Girl’s Quick and Dirty Tips has a wonderful explanation (emphasis mine):

It’s a preposition doing a job that is typically associated with adverbs. Rational people can disagree about this. It’s a gray area of grammar.

 

Get punctuation right

Here the sentences get more complicated, and you’ll have to get the punctuation right, too.

Basic list

I saw many people at the party: Bob, who is married to Mary; Fred, who is married to Melinda; and George, who is married to Marilyn. sentence structure

In this sentence we have just one verb, but each noun comes with an explanatory clause. I have separated the noun clauses from each other with semicolons, and have used commas within the noun clauses themselves. (Notice my inconsistent use of italics: one is a verb and one is a preposition. This is generally a no-no.)

Some people would use a comma in place of the semicolons in this sentence, as it would still be pretty easy to understand; we’d still know who was married to whom. This will not be the case in more complex sentences, which will beg both commas and semicolons in the right places in order for us to understand them.

Multiple verbs and descriptors

I gave a belated wedding gift to Bob and Mary, the couple who lives down the street; babysat for Fred and Melinda, who have a boy and a girl; and invited George and Marilyn over (finally), despite the fact that they’ve been living next door to me for over a year.

This one’s not too bad, either. You just need to make sure

  • all verbs are in the same tense
  • clauses (i.e., each “item” or “entry” on the list) are separated from each other by semicolons
  • “mini-clauses” (clause within a clause) use commas

Multiple descriptors for each “item” on the list

These are fun, but you have to be careful that each descriptor corresponds with the correct noun. You do this with commas and semicolons – or with no punctuation at all.german shepherd photo

I saw many people at the party, among them Bob, who is married to Mary and has three children; Fred, a man I went to college with, the son of Mr. Green, who is married to Margie; and George, the guy with the long, curly red hair, the son of Mr. Black whose German Shepherd once tried to bite me.

We still have one lone verb here, but a complex cast of characters:

Bob

  • married to Mary
  • has three children

Fred

  • went to college with me
  • son of Mr. Green
  • married to Margie

The reason Fred and not Mr. Green is married to Margie is because I have separated between each descriptor (college, father, wife) with a comma. In other words, each “clause” within the Fred clause is of equal weight and therefore must have parallel structure and punctuation.

George

  • has long, curly red hair (I’m jealous)
  • son of Mr. Black

Mr. Black

  • has a German Shepherd that once tried to bite me

The reason the German Shepherd belongs to Mr. Black and not to George is because there is no comma between Mr. Black and the dog. Without that one little comma, I’ve made it clear who owns whom.

George is separated from the other two men with a semicolon; George’s descriptors (hair and father) are separated from each other by commas, and I must therefore separate Mr. Black from his dog with no punctuation at all.

 

Unsightly mistakes

Here are 3 sentences lacking in parallel structure. See if you can figure out what’s wrong with them – and how to fix them.

Sentence #1mountain photo

I traveled over hill, dale, and over the mountain.

Here the problem is unbalanced use of the preposition over as well as uneven use of the article the. The verb traveled applies to all the nouns, which begs some form of parallelism. Here you have a few options:

  • Use the same preposition, but use it with all the nouns.
  • Use different prepositions, but all nouns must have one.
  • Use different verbs and/or different prepositions for each noun.
  • Use either all the same article or none at all.

Here are some possible solutions, all of which solve the parallelism problem:

I traveled over the hill, the dale, and the mountain. Same verb and same preposition used once for all nouns; uniform use of the.

I traveled over hill, dale, and mountain. Same verb and same preposition used once for all nouns; uniform absence of the.

I traveled over hill, over dale, and over mountain. Same verb used once for all of them, same preposition used for each of them; uniform absence of the.

I traveled over the hill, through the dale, and across the mountain. Same verb for all nouns; different preposition following each verb; uniform use of the.

I traveled over the hill, ran through the dale, and hiked across the mountain. Different verb for each noun – but they’re all in the past tense; different preposition following each verb; uniform use of the.

Sentence #2

I gave a gift to to Fred, Nathan, and babysat Melinda’s llama.

As you are giving a gift only to Fred and Nathan, you need to separate that part of the sentence from the part that has to do with babysitting. Here’s the solution:

I gave a gift to Fred and Nathan, and babysat Melinda’s llama.

Easy-peasy; just connect the nouns that have to do with giving, separate them from the next verb with a comma, and you’re good to go. (If you had more than two people to give a gift to, you can use semicolons: “I gave a gift to Fred, Nathan, and David; and I babysat Melinda’s llama.”)

Sentence #3professor photo

Alongside his discussion of the relationship between relativity and deconstructionism, Professor Jones addresses several related issues: philosophy in general, the respective beliefs of the existentialists and the ethicists, the relationship between actions and their consequences, the power of prayer, and various bits of practical advice.

This is one long mother of a sentence, but except for the last phrase it’s perfect. Clauses are separated by commas because there are no clauses-within-clauses. Had there been, we’d have to use both commas and semicolons.

Notice that the professor is addressing issues. All the items in the list are issues that can be addressed except for the last one, because 1) you can’t “address” practical advice and 2) “practical advice” is not an issue.

The best way to emend this sentence is to finish the “list” after “the power of prayer,” because the verb “addresses” corresponds with everything up to and including that clause. Then we’ll need a new verb:

Alongside his discussion of the relationship between relativity and
deconstructionism, Professor Jones addresses several related issues: 1) philosophy in general, 2) the respective beliefs of the existentialists and the ethicists, 3) the relationship between actions and their consequences, and 4) the power of prayer. He also gives various bits of practical advice.

***

That wasn’t too bad, was it? Just remember these 4 rules:

  1. figure out which verbs are doing what to which nouns
  2. get your tenses straight and parallel
  3. make your articles (the, a, etc.) consistent and uniform
  4. use clear punctuation to separate between disparate parts of the sentence.

Let me know in the Comments if you find your sentence structure improving. And…

Happy writing!

Deena

Deena Nataf

BulletproofWriting.com

Deena@BulletproofWriting.com

Filed Under: Comedy Grammar

That vs. Which: A Writer’s Nemesis Unpacked

August 14, 2018 by Deena Nataf 4 Comments

I’ve been putting off a that vs. which article for months. In fact, I’m scared to publish it because I have a few subscribers who are English teachers.

The time, however, has come.

What’s the difference between that and which, and how do you figure out which one to use?

 

The Good News

The good news about the that vs. which conundrum is that we’re much more loose with the differences nowadays. Nevertheless, it’s important to know the rules, because there are situations where using the incorrect one (officially, they’re called relative pronouns in this context) can change the meaning of a sentence.

More good news from Fowler

Here’s a wonderful quote from my friend H. W. Fowler that should lessen everyone’s anxiety (including mine) when it comes to the that vs. which issue:

The relations between that…and which have come to us from our forefathers as an odd jumble, and plainly show that the language has not been neatly constructed by a master builder who could create each part to do the exact work required of it, neither overlapped nor overlapping; far from that, its parts have had to grow as they could.

In other words, don’t obsess. Learn the rules, try to use them, and then let go.

 

How I learned the rules

I learned the difference between that and which from the following sentences:that vs. which

The car that is in the garage has a flat tire.

The car which is in the garage has a flat tire.

In a nutshell, you use that or which depending on what you are emphasizing and what information the sentence is trying to get across.

♦ In the first sentence, there is more than one car. The word that defines which car you are talking about. It is called a defining restrictive pronoun because it defines which item out of many is being discussed; the definition is restricted to one particular item.

♦ In the second sentence, there is only one car. The word which introduces a clause that gives you some extra but possibly non-essential information. The more important issue is that the car has a flat tire.

Which is called a non-defining restrictive pronoun because it doesn’t need to define which item is being referred to; we already know which one, and the item is thus already restricted.

Now let’s unpack the relative pronoun mystique.

 

the That clause…

  • is generally used with regard to more than one item or entity.
  • is essential to the rest of the sentence because it is giving indispensable information.
  • does not use commas – this is a great way to figure out whether to use that or which.
  • emphasizes and identifies the item itself. The information in the clause is restricted to that item only.
  • can be written without the word that and still make a comprehensible sentence.

Examples of that in a sentence

The car that is in the garage has a flat tire. I have three cars. One is in the driveway, one is parked at the curb, and one is in the garage. I am telling you which car has the flat tire.

If I said instead, “The car has a flat tire,” that would be unhelpful because you wouldn’t know to which car I am referring. Thus, I need the that clause.

The dog that barked at me was on a leash. There were several dogs, but only one of them barked at me. And thankfully, it was on a leash. The information I have given you in the that clause enables you to narrow down which dog I’m talking about.

The stepladder that was taken yesterday has been returned. This one is a little more tricky. The sentence would still be correct even if there was only one stepladder, because without the that clause we wouldn’t have known that the stepladder was taken in the first place and therefore the sentence would be useless.

In other words, if I had said, “The stepladder has been returned,” and you had no idea that it had even disappeared, my declaration would be irrelevant. Thus, the that clause is essential to this sentence.

 Taking that out of the sentence

The following sentences are all valid, as the word that is implied. I have underlined the rest of the clause.

  • The car parked in the garage has a flat tire.
  • The dog barking at me was on a leash.
  • The stepladder taken yesterday has been returned.

 

the Which clause…

  • is generally used with regard to only one item or entity.
  • adds non-essential information pertaining to the item being discussed.
  • begs the use of commas on either side of it – this is a great way to figure out whether to use that or which.
  • emphasizes and identifies an aspect of the item, not the item itself.
  • must retain the word which; otherwise, it can be construed as a defining restrictive, i.e., that, clause.

Examples of which in a sentence

The car, which is in the garage, has a flat tire. We have one car, but I don’t know where you parked it last night. Here is some helpful information about the geographical aspect of the car, although the essential information you are trying to impart is that is has a flat tire.

The dog, which barked at me, was on a leash. We already know which dog is being discussed; the important piece of information in this sentence is that it was on a leash. It’s not really that important that it barked at me, but I want you to feel sorry for me and give me more attention. I’m relating a behavioral aspect of the dog, which makes absolutely no difference with regard to whether it was on a leash or not.

that vs. which

Photo by pedrosimoes7

Think of “which barked at me” as TMI.

The stepladder, which was taken yesterday, has been returned.

For all you busybodies, here’s an unimportant but gossip-worthy bit of news: the stepladder was taken yesterday. However, if I were to take the moral high ground and delete the which clause, you would still be getting all the information you need.

 

Sometimes you can go both ways

Although most people mix and match that and which, lazily assuming the reader will understand the point of the sentence, there are situations where the difference can change its meaning – sometimes subtly and sometimes more dramatically. Here is an example:

I have a contract that protects both of us. You have a few contracts. This specific one protects both you and your client.

that vs. which

I have a contract, which protects both of us. This sentence tells us that you have only one standard contract.

The which clause can be seen as incidental. In fact, when trying to decide between that and which, try to add “by the way.” If it works, use which; if not, use that. (“I have a contract, which by the way protects both of us.”)

 

3 cute that vs. which tricks from Fowler

Here are three more that vs. which hacks to help you decide which relative pronoun to use.

That must be the first word in the clause, while which can be preceded by a preposition

If you can plug a preposition into your sentence, even temporarily, you’ll need which.

  • The car about that is in the garage has a flat tire. No, Ma’am.
  • The car about which I have been telling you is in the garage. Correct, although very formal.

Both types of clauses can end in a preposition, sort of

According to Fowler, you can write “I’ve had enough of your sarcasm, which I have already spoken to you about.” However, he hastens to point out that the word about in this sentence is really the adverbial particle of a phrasal verb. Fair enough.

On the other hand, you can say: “I’ve had enough of the sarcasm that I have already spoken to you about.”

If a which clause sounds silly or pompous, use a that clause instead

  • “The most stubborn stain across which I have ever come was from blood on your shirt.” Give me a break.
  • “The most stubborn stain that I have ever come across was from blood on your shirt.” Now that’s English.

***

I sincerely hope this post was enlightening and helpful. Please let me know in the Comments if there are any other essential writing and/or grammar issues that you’d like me to address in future posts. And, as always,

 

Happy writing!

Deena

Deena Nataf

www. BulletproofWriting.com

Deena@BulletproofWriting.com

Filed Under: Writing Techniques, Comedy Grammar

Learn Grammar the Fun Way! Part 2: Focus, Focus, Focus

July 3, 2018 by Deena Nataf 4 Comments

If you missed the first post in this series, click here.

This post is the 2nd and last installment of my grammar mini-series. Below you’ll find some hilarious mistakes, and fixes you can make to save face.

Remember: this is second-draft stuff. When you write your first draft, focus on getting everything down, and pay attention to your outline. Then give yourself an interval of time between drafts, after which you can settle down with your red pen and focus thoughtfully on your prose.

 

Immodest cooking and other embarrassments

Several years ago, when I was senior editor at an Indie publishing company, the only project I ever refused to continue working on was The Cookbook from Hell, written by, of course, The Author from Hell. The book and its author ruined everyone’s lives for the few years it took to get it (and her) out the door.

The manuscript was basically incomprehensible and full of errors and plagiarism. But reading it was worth it because of the recipe for beer can chicken. learning grammar

The recipe, which we ended up deleting from the book, opened with excruciating detail about how to season and prepare the chicken before employing the beer can. The author then wrote:

“Take beer can. Spread legs.”

Why am I telling you this? Because this author didn’t take the time to read and reread her manuscript. She handed it off to the editors with nary a thought as to how accurate or readable her book was.

Unfortunately, I see this sort of attitude all too frequently.

 

2nd draft is all about focus

Sometimes embarrassing mistakes make it into print not because the author doesn’t care but because he or she simply missed the issue or wasn’t aware that there was one. But that’s still not an excuse.

You can eliminate potential problems by using some of the strategies I’ve discussed before, such as reading your piece aloud before you submit it. Or by reading your work closely and frequently asking yourself, “Does this make sense?”

In other words, you need to focus.

Here are some hilarious sentences which, while grammatically correct, can be taken in more than one way and can definitely lower your credibility as a writer:

  • Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges. Usually I badger authors to take out all unnecessary verbiage, but here I’d urge whoever wrote this headline to be a bit more generous. All that’s needed are one word at the beginning, such as “Government,” and two words in the middle, such as “completion of” or “opening of.” Amazing the difference this can make.
  • Kids Make Nutritious Snacks. learning grammarThis one’s a bit trickier, because you have to be strategic regarding where to place additional words. For example, if you say, “Kids can make nutritious snacks,” or “Even kids make nutritious snacks,” you haven’t gained anything. How about, “Kids can make their own nutritious snacks” or “Learn how kids are making their own nutritious snacks”?

By the way, headlines are challenging, as sometimes you must pack everything into four or five words. Take your time with this.

  • For anyone who has children and doesn’t know it, there is a day care on the first floor. This is mostly a punctuation issue; the phrase, “and doesn’t know it,” belongs to the second clause, not the first. How can we make the sentence plausible?

First of all, I don’t like the sentence opening. Prepositional or gerund/participle phrases at the beginning can spell disaster for the rest of the sentence. So feel free to totally rework and rearrange your words. Rigidity is the enemy of writers – although I’m all for 90 percent rigidity when it comes to grammar.

Here are some alternatives to those poor parents who don’t know they have kids:

  • “Parents: Did you know there is a day care on the first floor?”
  • “Parents, there is a day care on the first floor.”
  • “If you have kids, you will be pleased to know that there is a day care on the first floor.”
  • “If you have kids, check out the day care on the first floor.”

 

Journey into the nonsensical

  1. If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.
  2. War Dims Hope for Peace.
  3. If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile.
  4. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures.

Here, too, focus is the key. You can rework these sentences by sitting down and examining what exactly you are trying to get across. “What am I trying to say?” will be your new mantra.

Learning how to read (and write)

In the first sentence, there is nothing to do except call people up and offer them reading lessons. However, if you must have something in print, keep your audience in mind, use a picture, and simplify:

 

learning grammar

LEARN TO READ: 1-800-123-4567.

By the way, this is an important point. If you are writing a children’s book, you will have to simplify your language. There are even programs you can run your manuscript through that tell you the grade level of your prose on the Flesch-Kincaid readability scale. Rule of thumb: the younger the audience, the shorter the words (and sentences).

Opposites (sometimes) detract

The problem with the second sentence is that we have a pair of opposites. Deleting either “war” or “peace” is a good start:

  • “War dims hope for quick solution to border dispute.”
  • “Recent fighting dims hope for peace.”

Dig deeper

The third sentence is repetitive. Focusing on the issue will help us figure out what we’re really saying. Perhaps we can even eliminate one of the clauses.

  • “Strike to last indefinitely if immediate solution isn’t found.”

This one’s okay, but let’s dig a little deeper. What’s really going on here? Sounds like the workers have some nonnegotiable demands, no? How about:

  • “Strikers dig in their heels; only hope is quick settlement.”
  • “Strike must be settled quickly to avoid lengthy factory shut-down.”

Sometimes we need to completely rewrite a sentence in order for it to say what we want it to say. This is advanced self-editing!

Just the facts, Ma’am

In the fourth sentence, the poor writer just wants to explain that the temperatures are low and this has created a cold wave. How can he or she say this without looking like a fool?learning grammar

  • “Consistent low temperatures point to cold wave.” Again, not bad, but can we make it better?
  • “Lowering temperatures signal imminent cold wave.” This sentence is nice, because it has a logical cause and effect. However, it means that the cold wave hasn’t occurred yet.
  • “It’s not just low temperatures; it’s a cold wave!” Here’s another way to link the two issues, especially if the cold wave is happening now.
  • “Cold wave hits Hawaii. Temperatures in the negatives.” Feel free to use two sentences if it helps you and your readers.
  • “Cold wave hits Hawaii.” Another great solution. A cold wave means there are low temperatures. Ask yourself if the point of the story is to tell people there’s a cold wave or to link the cold wave to an unprecedented lowering of temperatures. If the point is simply to report a cold wave, then simply report the cold wave.

 

More fun for you, less commentary from me

Bargain basement upstairs. This is what happens when you rely on clichés. Again, focus on what you want to say, keep the principal idea, and replace the rest:

  • “Sale items upstairs.”
  • “Closeouts upstairs.”
  • “Bargain department upstairs.”

Would the person who took the stepladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken. The issue here is using the same word(s) too close together and/or in a different context.

One of the first authors I ever worked for made me aware of my use of repetitive words, and I’m forever grateful to him.

Here’s one solution to the poorly written sentence above:

stepladder photo

Photo by pedrosimoes7

“Whoever took the stepladder yesterday is requested to return it immediately; otherwise, the administration will conduct a room-by-room search.” More detail can sometimes be a solution.

“The stepladder which was taken yesterday must be put back by 5:00 pm.” No need for threats; just make the main clause stronger.

“Would the person who took the bookshelf ladder yesterday please return it, or further steps will be taken.” If you want to retain the second clause, then change the first. Again, what is the problem? Can you solve it by substituting one word for another?

We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door; the bell doesn’t work.) This reminds me of the mistake I made in the first sentence of the post I published on May 29th. I was talking, as usual, about good grammar, and made a silly grammar mistake. Again, I’m forever grateful to my friend who spotted it.

I call this self-incriminating writing. If you’re going to assert an opinion, make sure you have all your facts straight. For instance, never say, “I’m writing my thesis on Jon F. Kennedy, who was assassinated in 1958.” (Can you spot both mistakes?)

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers. Here, the problem is one of syntactical cognitive dissonance. We associate the expression “run down” with traffic accidents, not with traffic rules. Choose your words thoughtfully and mindfully, and make sure they fit the words and sentences around them. Good focus will help you catch most doozies.

 

Pure fun, even less commentary

  • After tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board. Reminds me of the beer can chicken recipe.
  • We exchange anything: bicycles, washing machines, etc. Why not bring your wife in and get a wonderful bargain? Don’t give your husband any ideas.
  • Elephants, please stay in your car. This one was spotted at a safari park. Change the punctuation; problem solved.
  • Automatic washing machines: please remove all your clothes when the light goes out. Can we get a bit more explanation here? And delete the possessive pronoun.
  • The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges. Remember the old joke, “How do you stop an elephant from charging?”
  • Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over. Feel free to completely rewrite this one.
  • Miners Refuse to Work after Death. Cue Twilight Zone music.
  • Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant. I suggest this person read Eats Shoots and Leaves.learning grammar

 

 

Couldn’t resist these

  • Man Struck By Lightning; Faces Battery Charge.
  • New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group.
  • Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half.
  • Hospital Sued by 7 Foot Doctors.
  • Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead.

 

***

I hope you’ve enjoyed this grammar mini-series, and I hope I kept you laughing while you learned.

But in all seriousness, fix your grammar in second draft. Your first draft should be more of a brain dump – within reason. If you focus too much on the rules in the first draft, you’ll never write a word.

When it comes to the disciplined self-editing of later drafts, however, it’s full speed ahead with focus and thoughtfulness.

Have you spotted any other hilarious writing mistakes? Put them in the Comments so we can continue laughing for the rest of the week.

 

Happy writing!

Deena

Deena Nataf

www.BulletproofWriting.com

Deena@BulletproofWriting

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Writing Techniques, Comedy Grammar

Learn Grammar the Fun Way! Part 1: Be Singular

June 19, 2018 by Deena Nataf 2 Comments

For the next article in this series, click here

 

My brother-in-law used to teach comedy traffic school. Ever heard of it? Neither had I.

learn grammar

My lovely brother-in-law

My sister explained that it was one of the options driving offenders could choose when they were ordered to go to classes to review the principles of driving. When they completed the class, their points would be erased. Great idea, no? After all, why listen to a dry lecture when you can laugh your way through traffic school?

Recently, I came across two hilarious lists of grammar mistakes, and I thought it would be fun to use them as a springboard for reviewing some of the grammar principles I’ve been writing about during the past year and a half. This post is part 1; my next post will be, incredibly, part 2.

 

1. A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting
with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.learn grammar

In a participle phrase (think of a participle as an “-ing” word), the participle describes the action of the subject – so beware. Remember my famous line: “After pooping on the sidewalk, I cleaned up the mess and put Fido back on his leash.” Here the subject is “I,” which means “I” am doing the action described by the participle – in this case pooping. Likewise, in the second sentence, the evening is the subject, so it would be the one enjoying the cocktail and chatting.

2. A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

Using passive voice is no longer as verboten as it used to be. However, that’s not a license to use it when active case would be as good or better. Sometimes people (very mistakenly) think they’ll sound more intelligent, serious, or formal if they use the passive voice. Don’t. Do. This. Here’s an example: “After the library book was found by my assistant, it was read by my partner and myself.” (There’s another no-no in this sentence: using myself when you mean me. Don’t use any of the “-self” words unless you need the reflexive case, such as “I scratch myself.” See this post for more information on the correct and incorrect use of reflexive pronouns.)

3. An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

Good job, Bob. This is an adorable sentence, and there’s nothing wrong with it. Love those oxymorons, like “rap artist.”

4. A malapropism [actually, it’s an eggcorn] walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

We discussed eggcorns a few months ago in this post, and sometimes they are downright hilarious. They generally come up when you are using a cliché, a worn-out expression, or a literary device such as simile, analogy, or metaphor. The best way to avoid an eggcorn/malapropism is to avoid the usual and invent some fresh  descriptions. Use Show instead of Tell, and develop your own voice.

5. A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but
hoping to nip it in the bud.learn grammar

Love this one. Mixing metaphors can happen if you rely too much on overused phrases and don’t take enough time to really think about what you want to say. (I recently discussed this here.) As with the previous example, developing your own voice, too, will help.

6. An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

I don’t mind allusions, but please remember to use one only if you are convinced that most of your readers will understand it. Sentences such as “Choosing between John and Mark as a dance partner is like sailing between Charybdis and Scylla” or “I feel as if I’m living in a Kafka novel” are clever, but they’ll leave your audience confused if they have no idea what you are referring to. Fit the allusion to the reader.

7. An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the
television getting drunk and smoking cigars.

This is a legitimate, albeit unrealistic, sentence. Indeed it means that the Oxford comma spent the evening not watching a program on the television, but actually watching the television itself drink way too many alcoholic beverages and light up numerous cigars. However, if we add a comma after “television” and “drunk,” the sentence will magically be about the Oxford comma doing three different activities: watching, drinking, and smoking. Take your pick, but please make sure your sentences say what they’re supposed to say.

We’ve discussed the Oxford comma before, but this was such a good example of what can happen if you don’t use commas correctly that I had to include it. Let this be a reminder that you must learn how to use punctuation! (Here’s a post on the use of semicolons and colons.)

 

Do you notice a pattern here?

Other than the fact that I’m shamelessly drawing attention to old posts of mine, it seems to me that many of the above issues can be solved in three ways:

  1. Subscribe to BulletproofWriting.com
  2. Learn grammar rules (see #1)
  3. Develop your own unique voice so you won’t have to rely on everyone else’s leftovers.

Unsurprisingly, I’d like to address #3.

 

Be singular

 

You are a writer; why not be singular? In fact, singular is my new favorite word.

Check out what Merriam-Webster has to say about singular:

learn grammar

  • of or relating to a separate person or thing
  • distinguished by superiority
  • being out of the ordinary
  • departing from general usage or expectation

 

 

Isn’t singular the type of writer you want to be? I know I do. How can we accomplish this?

  1. Learn the above definitions and make singular your new mantra.learn grammar
  2. Keep singular front and center when you write. It’ll steer your prose away from tired one-liners and other writers’ castoffs.
  3. Close your eyes, figure out exactly what you’re trying to say, and use your imagination to say it in your own singular way.
  4. Keep your feet on the ground by integrating the grammar principles I’ve outlined above. For better or for worse, writers who know and use good grammar and usage are singularly few and far between. Be one of them.

 

Happy writing!

Deena

Deena Nataf
www.BulletproofWriting.com
Deena@BulletproofWriting.com

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Comedy Grammar

Self-Editing: Prepare for Your Editor with a Final Read-Through (Part 3)

April 17, 2018 by Deena Nataf 2 Comments

For the first post in the series on self-editing, click here.

For the second post in the series on self-editing, click here.

For the fourth post in the series on self-editing, click here.

For the fifth post in the series on self-editing, click here.

 

editor photo

 

Every author needs an editor.

But that’s not an excuse to throw a manuscript at an editor without first taking the time to go over it yourself with a fine-tooth comb.

When you’ve read your piece what feels like a million times, and you swear that it’s ready…

read it one more time.

And then read it again. If you’ve done a final read-through for technical issues, then do this last one for contextual issues, and vice versa.

There are many reasons for doing a last read-through of your article or manuscript before submitting it to an editor. And yes, I do mean even after you’ve read it six or seven times. We’re going to explore them in this post.

 

Submitting to a paid editor

Once you’ve done your final read-through(s), you are ready to send your piece or manuscript to an editor for editing.

Huh?

A paid editor is your first stop after you write “Final” on your work. He or she will fix up your prose, making it tighter and more readable – and giving it a better chance of being read by an audience and/or accepted for publication.

Why you need an editor even if you did a final read-through

You need an editor because you must always have a second pair of eyes on your manuscript. You are much too close to it to see all the issues.pair of eyes photo

Some editors will fix up technical issues such as spelling and grammar, and some will do more of a conceptual edit. Some will do both, but they’ll probably have to go over your piece twice. We usually label those who work on technical issues “copy editors,” but don’t get hung up on titles. For argument’s sake, however, think of the difference between a copy editor and an editor as like the difference between a math major and an English major. It’s two different types of brain power, and not every editor can do both.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that your sister’s mother-in-law’s upstairs neighbor’s cousin can “edit” your manuscript because she studied English in college, or because she edited the school newspaper when she was in the 12th grade.editing“Qualifications” such as these do not an editor make.

On the other hand, one doesn’t need to have been an English major in order to be a good editor; it’s a combination of skill and gift. But one does have to be a professional editor. I happen to have been an English major, but I am definitely an exception to the rule. Some of the best editors I know majored in semiotics, linguistics, math, accounting, international relations, actuarial science, European history, and law.

Why you need to reread your work before you send it to your editor

  1. It’ll be cheaper. If your editor has to do your dirty work, such as making sure all commas are inside the quotation marks or checking spelling consistency (biblical or Biblical? Marc or Mark?), you are wasting their time and taking their attention away from big-picture questions like, “Does this sentence make sense?”
  2. Your editor will be able to spend more time on the content. Money aside, grammar and spelling mistakes fill up an editor’s head space. If you want someone to correct these more “technical” issues, then hire a copy editor in addition to an editor.
  3. You will find new mistakes. Believe me, there will always be a super-embarrassing gaffe for you to find during the last read-through, and now is your time to catch and fix it.

I must admit, I originally wasn’t going to include #3 in my list, as I was concerned it would only generate the ODD in all of us. So listen up: There comes a time when you need to let go of your manuscript. You will always find new mistakes and you can always think of a new way to say something, but you must know when to stop, click Save, and write Final on your document. editing

 

 

Submitting to a publisher

If you are submitting a manuscript or article to a publisher, there are a few other reasons to give your piece a final read-through besides finding that one doozy of a mistake:

  1. You will definitely have a better chance of your work being accepted if all the t‘s are crossed and all the i‘s are dotted. As I’ve said before on this blog, unless you’re J. K. Rowling – or even Daniel Silva – acquisition editors will not tolerate a manuscript or article with technical mistakes. Think of it from the editor’s point of view: poorly edited and typo-ridden manuscripts feels to an editor like the author simply couldn’t be bothered (or worse, doesn’t know how to write). So why should the editor bother publishing it?

When I did acquisitions at a publishing house, I also rejected books where it was clear the author never went over his or her book more than once or twice. Some didn’t take the time to get rid of spelling or punctuation mistakes – or even to make sure each sentence ended with a period, question mark, or exclamation point. And don’t get me started on their cover letters.

2. An editor receives too many submissions to bother with something that makes no sense. Or is unrealistic. Or unclear. After you have read your piece one last time for technical mistakes, read it one last time for clarity: Does it say what it’s supposed to say? If it’s fiction, are the characters well-drawn and is the story consistent and believable? Is the dialogue true-to-life? If it’s nonfiction, is your thesis well-set out and provable? Does it hold your interest? Read things aloud if you have to.

 

If all else fails…

While I am a strong advocate for an author’s attention to detail, I do understand that some of you are more “forest” than “tree” types, and checking punctuation, grammar, etc. isn’t your thing. Here are three suggestions:

  1. Make it your thing, at least for the time it takes you to go over your work.
  2. Spend money on a copy editor to do all the dirty work for you.
  3. Learn the rules of grammar, spelling, and punctuation. Bulletproof Writing has lots of helpful and fun grammar posts for you!

 

***

Sorry for nagging, guys, but this was important. There’s nothing like a final read-through (or two) AFTER you’ve self-edited according to the guidelines I set out in my first two self-editing posts – which you can read here and here.

Yes, it’s a pain in the neck, but it’ll be worth it when you receive your acceptance letter and a bunch of praise about your writing ability.

Are there any other points to look out for, either during the final read-through or while you’re editing your own work? Let me know in the Comments. And, as always,

 

Happy writing!

Deena

Deena Nataf

BulletproofWriting.com

Filed Under: Comedy Grammar, Tips for the Writing Life

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Hi, I’m Deena Nataf

BulletproofWriting.comI’m a book and journal editor with thirty years of experience in the field. If you write to publish, I want to help you get that first draft written, that manuscript finished, and that book out the door. If you write for yourself, I’ll give you the tools you need to write clearly, write regularly, and write in your own voice. But no matter why you write, I’m passionate about helping you make your mark on the world.

You can see more about me here.

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