My premium video course, Wake Up Your Prose: Description Unpacked, is going bye-bye on Friday, August 2nd, at 11:59 pm PST! Don’t be left out in the cold on non-descriptive writing. You can go here to find out more – or to purchase it!

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Missed Part 1 of my 3-part series on Storytelling? Read it here.

Missed Part 2 of my 3-part series on Storytelling? Read it here.

 

This is the 3rd and final installment of my series on Storytelling.

 

Just to review…

For the past several days, I have been reading this ebook, and the author has some valuable insights on storytelling. These 3 points stood out for me:

 

• Storytelling is a necessary skill
• The ability to tell a story is critical to effective communication with your customer
• The correct sequencing of events, the correct delineation of causation, and the correct placement of emphasis, is vital to conveying a message of any sort [BTW, can you find the grammatical error in this sentence?]

I discuss the first two points in this post and in this post. Let’s go on to the 3rd and final point.

 

Storytelling needs sequence, causation, and emphasis

When telling your story, keep these 3 things in mind.

Sequence

• Which scenes, events, or pieces of information go where?
• What event comes at the very beginning, and how do things spread out or zero in from there?
• Will your story be linear, i.e., chronological, or will it go back and forth between the past and the present? Between characters?
• Will the background sequences be in the form of a short, one-sentence or one-paragraph backstory, or will they be entire chapters?
• What about transitions between scenes and events?
• Does your sequence of events make sense to the reader?
• Do your dialogues display logical progression, or are the characters merely talking at each other?

An outline is invaluable for sequencing your piece – even if you’re writing the computer sales page I discussed in the first post of this series. In fact, especially in content writing, you need to plan out each section (features, benefits, price, etc.), as well as the narrative (i.e., the story) that will weave itself through the piece.

The bottom line: Whether you create a formal, numbered outline or simply a list scrawled on a torn-off piece of notebook paper, it will be invaluable in ensuring you know the progression of whatever story or narrative you are writing.

Causation

How do scenes and people intertwine? Does your story or article exhibit logic between cause and effect? For example, If you discuss someone sweating from the intense heat, are you careful not to say she put on a sweater a few paragraphs later, or that it started to snow?

Moreover, is there a reason for a particular personality trait in one of your characters that can be traced to his childhood? Are the actions of your characters consistent with their personalities, and vice versa?

As I point out in Wake Up Your Prose, you must tell the truth when you write, even if it hurts and even if you’re writing fiction. This means that if the logic of your plot dictates that you kill off a character, or have something bad happen to him or her, you will need to go with the natural cause and effect you have created.

Emphasis

Getting back to our buddy Abraham Lincoln (see my previous post), do you need to spend a lot of time describing what his mother made for dinner on his sixteenth birthday? (Maybe so, if it’s relevant to your thesis.) Likewise, if you’re writing an About page for someone’s website, will you need that person’s entire history, including the vacations they took? (I actually read an About page that included this information.)

Ask yourself: “What information is relevant to my goal with this piece?” In other words, where do need to place the emphasis?

Sometimes, ostensibly trivial information will in fact be important. For example, perhaps someone’s vacation in Ireland at the age of 18 is what stimulated her to start a blog on Irish glassware. Or maybe you’d like your readers to know a bit about 19th-century American cuisine, and thus describing Lincoln’s birthday dinner is an interesting and informative way to do that.

Point of view also falls under the category of emphasis. Will you write that story from a child’s point of view or from that of her mother? Are you going to emphasize how gigantic a mansion is in order to contrast it with the heroine’s small stature and timid personality? Is the murder mystery just a whodunit, or is it a psychological study of the detective?

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To sum up…

Keeping sequence, causation, and emphasis front and center when you are writing – and of course, when you are outlining and revising – will make your prose a pleasure to read. Readers want things to make sense, and you are doing them and yourself a great service by making your prose feel and sound realistic. It doesn’t matter whether you are writing fiction or nonfiction; it all has to make sense.

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One of the most comprehensive modules in my course, Wake Up Your Prose: Description Unpacked, is on storytelling. For all there is to know about writing descriptive prose, go ahead over to the sales page and make your purchase! Doors close Friday, August 2nd, at 11:59 PST.

All the best, and

Happy writing!
Deena

Deena Nataf
www.BulletproofWriting.com
Deena@BulletproofWriting.com

 

Just 2 more days, and the cart closes for my video course, Wake Up Your Prose: Description Unpacked. You can go here to find out more – or to purchase it! Cart closes this Friday, August 2nd, at 11:59 pm PST.

Yesterday, I published the first installment of my 3-part series on Storytelling. Just to review, I gleaned 3 important things about storytelling from this ebook:

 

• Storytelling is a necessary skill
• The ability to tell a story is critical to effective communication with your customer
• The correct sequencing of events, the correct delineation of causation, and the correct placement of emphasis, is vital to conveying a message of any sort [BTW, can you find the grammatical error in this sentence?]

 

Yesterday, we discussed the first statement; today we’ll discuss the second.

 

Storytelling is critical to effective communication with your customer reader

Now hear this: Your reader is your customer.

You are writing for your readers.

This doesn’t mean that you must look over your shoulder as you write, making sure you will impress your audience. In fact, that is the easiest way to sound pretentious. It also doesn’t mean that you need to pander to your audience’s opinions; that will make you sound wishy-washy.

The dynamic here is both to write for Ideal Reader and to stay true to your values and your writing goals. It’s a delicate balance, and it requires you to have a solid idea of what you want to say as well as why (i.e., your goal). For the how, that’s where my new course and my website come in.

We’ll return to the Why in a little bit.

Using Show and Tell to communicate

In Wake Up Your Prose, there is a module called “Show” and a module called “Tell.” One of the things that I emphasize in both modules is that you need to know which device would be the more effective way to communicate with your reader in any given sentence, paragraph, or chapter.

For example, if your goal for a particular paragraph is for your amateur-spy protagonist to go to the supermarket and buy a bottle of milk in order to get some vital information from the cashier, then you don’t need to Show your readers the protagonist’s every thought or emotion as she drives to the store. Neither do you need to Show your readers the effect of the milk purchase (e.g., her fingers were numb from holding the carton). Just Tell the reader that she went to the supermarket, and report that she received secret information from the cashier as she was paying.

Certainly, make your prose interesting! Don’t say: “Joanna went to the supermarket to buy a carton of milk. She walked to the checkout line. As she was paying, the cashier whispered something in her ear.” How about something like this:

There was a dizzying array of milk choices in the dairy section: Whole, lowfat, nonfat, and skim, and lactose-free versions of each of those. Joanna grabbed a carton with purple writing on it, and made her way to the second cashier on the right.

This short passage Tells us that Joanna didn’t need the milk (she grabbed a random carton) and that she needed to pay at a specific cashier’s station. That’s all we needed to know.

 

What we can learn about storytelling from Apple

One of my readers who commented on yesterday’s post added the link to a short Ted Talk about using first the Why to sell, and only then moving on to the What and the How. He used Apple Computers as an example. Here’s Apple’s Why:

“[In] everything we do, we believe in challenging the status quo; we believe in thinking differently.”

Only after that does Apple tell us the How (our computers are easy to use and well-built) and then the What (we sell computers).

I propose that we should consider employing the Apple storytelling sales model to our writing:

1. Why am I writing this piece? What do I want my customers/readers to get out of it?
2. How am I going to accomplish this goal?
3. What am I going to write?

Applying the Apple model to our storytelling

Let’s take my much-used Abraham Lincoln biography example:

1. I’m writing a book because I want to inspire teenagers to reach high and work hard to attain their goals (Why).
2. I’ll do this by using little-known facts and anecdotes to tell the story of Abraham Lincoln. I’ll Show how Lincoln’s personality was formed using the following: short vignettes of Lincoln’s childhood and teenage years, made-up but realistic dialogue between Lincoln and his mentors, and examples of his challenges and triumphs during his young adulthood (How).
3. I will write a 12-chapter book for middle-schoolers, using age-appropriate language and vocabulary. I’ll try to put a bit of humor in, too (What).

You can make this as simple or as complex as you want:

1. I have a story inside me that needs to get out. I want to make my mark on the world (Why).
2. I’m going to write a novel (How).
3. It will be about a race car driver (What)

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Everyone loves a story. Using storytelling – or, if you will, narrative – techniques in your writing is an outstanding way to communicate effectively with your reader. These tips should help, but if you want to go deeper, consider joining my course on descriptive writing. You have another 2 days to decide: Don’t miss out!

See you tomorrow for our 3rd and final installment on storytelling. And…

Happy writing!
Deena

Deena Nataf
www.BulletproofWriting.com
Deena@BulletproofWriting.com

Give your reader a personal vision

P.S. Here’s the link again to the sales page.

 

Sales continue for my new premium course, Wake Up Your Prose: Description Unpacked. And I’m so confident you will love it that I’ve decided to upload one of the modules so you can see for yourself how great it is!

Click here to listen to Module 7 of Wake Up Your Prose.

Enjoy, and I’ll see you inside the course!

Here’s a link to the sales page.

Happy listening! And…

Happy writing!
Deena

Deena Nataf
www.BulletproofWriting.com
Deena@BulletproofWriting.com

P.S. Here’s the link to the sales page again.

 

 

I’m thrilled to announce that after 9 months of preparation and creation, my new, premium writing course, Wake Up Your Prose: Description Unpacked, is LIVE and ready for purchase!

Wake Up Your Prose: Description Unpacked has been professionally designed and recorded, and it’s a breeze to use. It’s a great course, if I do say so myself, and I have no doubt it will take your writing to the next level!

Click here to be taken to the sales page, where you can get all your questions answered.

Wake Up Your Prose: Description Unpacked comprises 10 modules, plus a bonus module. Each module includes an audio lesson, plus a very comprehensive workbook to help reinforce what you’ve learned. I’ve also loaded the course with lots of supplemental ebooks and other material.

Each module has a fun and thoughtful written assignment, so you’ll be able to apply what you’ve learned immediately. You’re going to love the course!

I’m also offering a bonus package, in which you will get a personal, written evaluation of all your assignments from me. Check it out here.

Looking forward to seeing you in the course!

All the best, and

Happy writing!
Deena

Deena Nataf
www.bulletproofwriting.com
Deena@BulletproofWriting.com

P.S. Here’s the link to the course again!

The giveaway for a month of writing and editorial mentoring is over, and the winner is…  Naomi from Brooklyn! Congratulations, Naomi, and thanks to everyone for entering and generating excitement about my blog and my soon-to-be-launched course, Wake Up Your Prose: Description Unpacked.

I’ve just come back from the recording studio, where I recorded Wake Up Your Prose for the 4th time! Now I know that you will be getting top-quality sound along with professional slides, super-comprehensive workbooks, and an in-depth, easy-to-follow course! Stay tuned for the launch…

 

Rereading an old friend

This weekend, I reread one of my favorite books, A Cup of Comfort for Teachers. Aside from the fascinating, hilarious, remarkable, touching, and sometimes gut-wrenching stories, I was awestruck by just how good they were from a technical standpoint. We can learn a lot from these stories, and from their authors – especially about description. Here are a few things I observed:

 

Grab your audience from the get-go

One of the areas I will be discussing in Wake Up Your Prose: Description Unpacked is beginning your book, story, article, or memoir with a bang; grabbing the reader from the get-go.

Many of the authors in A Cup of Comfort for Teachers chose to begin their story with a description of the main character: “Diana had scraped knees and wore a too-large-for-her-body dress created from feed-sack calico when we entered the school on the country road outside of Macon, Missouri.” Some opened with dialogue: “‘Ow! Ow!’ I shouted as I broke my jump rope rhythm and tangled my feet in the slack rope. ‘Something in my shoe is biting me,’ I wailed.” And still others opened with a piece of information that whets our appetites and  leaves us with anticipation with regard to how the rest of the story will unfold: “I had just opened my classroom door to the balmy spring afternoon when a woman entered and surveyed the bustling crowd of kindergarten children, my aide, and several volunteer mothers.”

All three of these opening techniques are worthy of adding to our arsenal of descriptive techniques.

 

Don’t spoon-feed your reader

Most of the authors in A Cup of Comfort for Teachers Showed without moralizing; readers are allowed to draw conclusions for themselves. The impact that these teacher-heroes have had on their students’ lives shines through without our having to be Told: “I made an impact on this child” or “This teacher had a tremendous impact on me.”

Many of the writers focused their story on only one or two students. They gave us an intensive look at the complexities that make up a kid’s world. But the truths that emerge are universal. I was astonished how one story about one kid experiencing one incident could give me such a clear picture of the teacher. No need for the author to recount a whole list of teacher successes or student events in order for us to understand what the author is trying to express.

 

Retain your focus

Relating one incident or discussing one student or teacher brings me to another important element in writing: focus.

Focus is vital with a blog, for example. The best way for readers to absorb the information presented in a blog post is for the blogger to concentrate on just one aspect of a subject, whether the blog is about writing, finance, speech therapy, or race cars.

Likewise, in memoir, share one swatch of your life’s tapestry and describe it in depth – and perhaps comment briefly on how it has impacted you or informed your behavior even today. Counterintuitively, focus creates a larger world for your readers. It’s easier for them to relate your experiences to their own lives.

Along with focus, you do need thoughtful attention to detail about that one particular subject. Readers need more than just an entertaining or uplifting few minutes. Details draw readers into your world, or into the world of your characters.

But of course, you need balance. Don’t go overboard with unnecessary details. Make sure every word counts.

 

Describe, but then get out of the way

The best descriptive writing presents the information and then allows the reader to come to conclusions him- or herself. As the author, you get to decide what you’d like your readers to take away from the piece, but it’s important to allow them to figure it out on their own. This is the writing goal you want to work toward.

Tell your story, whether it’s fiction, nonfiction, memoir, a cookbook – anything. Use words that will convey to the readers exactly what you mean; I like to call them “industrial-strength” words. Focus on some of, but not all, the details. Guide your readers: enable them to experience and feel what you intended. And then get out of the way and give your readers room to have the experience and identify with the subject, or with you.

Happy writing!

Deena

Deena Nataf

BulletproofWriting.com

Deena@BulletproofWriting.com

 

 

 

 

We are capable of great things

If you remember, I mentioned recently that I had to re-record, for the 3rd time, my entire course, Wake Up Your Prose: Description Unpacked. It’s all done, it sounds great, and I was able to do it in only 4 days. I astonished myself.

It got me thinking about how we underestimate our capabilities. For example, this premium course is so important to me that I was able to not only record it quickly and well, but I managed to write multiple posts in just a few days.

Moreover, I have learned that I am capable of great output, and that has changed my story.

You are also capable of making great writing progress. The next few sections will tell you how.

 

Output + habit = writer

Recently, I read an awesome, as well as super-comprehensive ebook called The Ultimate Guide to Growing Your E-mail List, by Primoz Bozic.  Now, while many of you do not have an email list to grow, there are some absolute gems of ideas in the guide that will help you accomplish any goal you set for yourself.

For me, writing every day, no matter what, is crucial. And even more important,  setting aside the same, specific period of time each and every day was the only way I felt I could accomplish this. To accomplish this, I added some accountability in the form of a writing tracker spreadsheet, also from Primoz Bozic. It keeps me more or less on the straight and narrow in terms of my writing. What’s more, it’s fun to see my writing progress, and how many words I have written each day. I highly recommend you download the spreadsheet, too. It’s easy to use.

In a nutshell, writing every day, preferably at the same time is not only crucial for your output, it will help tremendously with improving your writing as well. This is what I’ve been learning: We need to get into the habit of writing. The progress will come – with a little help from my blog and my new premium course!

 

Nothing could be harder than giving up sugar

One caveat I learned in The Ultimate Guide to Growing Your E-mail List was that if we want something badly enough, we might have to give up a non-essential, time-sucking activity. While I am a strong advocate of hobbies and “escapes,” I was astonished at how many hours per week I was devoting to my own downtime.

About 2 months ago, I gave up sugar. Let me tell you, it was the hardest physical thing I’ve ever done – made the two 10Ks I ran seem literally like a walk in the park.

But the best part about giving up sugar is that I realized it gave me a superpower – that of being truly capable of doing what needs to be done to reach a goal! I applied this to trimming the excess off my reading and other downtime activities. (And if you’ve kept up with my posts, you also know that I am a recovering cozy mystery reader.)

Thus, I’m experimenting with keeping to a writing schedule NO MATTER HOW TIRED OR DISTRACTED I AM. It’s hard – but so was giving up sugar. I didn’t always feel like skipping dessert, but I did it anyway.

What I discovered about saying No to both sugar and excessive leisure time is that:

• It means saying Yes to feeling better
• It means saying Yes to increasing my writing output – which improves Bulletproof Writing for you!
• It slowly gets easier the more I keep at it
• I am gradually looking forward to my writing sessions more and more, and can get into “zone” quicker

 

Discover your superpower

You, too, are capable of great things. You can definitely do more than you think, without feeling overwhelmed. Adjust your schedule to make room for daily writing. It doesn’t matter how many minutes; just get started, and keep it up every single day.

Challenge yourself.

If you’re interested in improving your writing, why not take my course, Wake Up Your Prose: Description Unpacked? I’m confident your writing will improve by leaps and bounds. The course is self-paced, so you decide how much to do every day. There is lots of supplemental material too, in addition to the audio part of the course. Click here if you want to be put on the waiting list. I might add a surprise or two for those who sign up. And there is absolutely no obligation to buy the course.

More next week! In the meantime,

Happy writing!

Deena

Deena Nataf

www.BulletproofWriting.com

Deena@BulletproofWriting.com

P.S. Don’t forget to enter the giveaway for a month of coaching from me! It’s worth $297. Here’s the link to enter. Share it will others, and you’ll get more entries if they sign up, too.

 

 

The giveaway for a month of writing and editorial mentoring is in its final week, and I encourage all of you to enter. It’s an opportunity to win 1-on-1 coaching from me. We’ll work together to design a step-by-step program for writing or finishing your book, article, memoir – whatever you want – with the goal of getting it written and finished. And you’ll have access to me via both email and phone.

Once you enter, you’ll get a special sharing link. Share it with others, and get more entries if they enter!

Here’s the link to the giveaway. It ends Friday, July 12, at 9.00 am EST. Don’t miss your chance!

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In the next couple of weeks leading up to the launch of my course, “Wake Up Your Prose: Description Unpacked,” I’ll be delivering posts more frequently into your inbox. Whether you choose to buy the course or not, I hope you will get a lot of value out of this series on description. 🙂

In my last post, I pointed out some common description mistakes writers can make, and I gave you some possible fixes. In this post, I’m going to give you 4 description tools you can add to your writer’s toolbox that will go a long way toward upping your description game.

After all, you spend hours, days, or even weeks writing the perfect story, chapter, article, or non-fiction piece. You sweat over it, you lie awake at night thinking about it, and you walk around the house distracted.

It’s within your grasp to produce this, yet something’s missing.

How can you enliven your descriptions? How can you make your writing your own? How can you make your writing believable?

 

Description tool #1: Method Writing

Term “Method Writing” is my invention. It’s a short, daily writing exercise, and it primes the pump for writing vivid prose.

Think of your life as one big, constantly growing tapestry. Six days a week, sit yourself down and choose a small swatch of the tapestry: The first time you rode a 2-wheel bicycle without falling, a terrible day in the 7th grade, being chosen last for the basketball team during gym class, the first time you drank vodka…the list is, literally, endless.

Write about this event for about 15 minutes. It’s even better if you do it in longhand. Be sure to include several of the five senses in this piece: What did you smell, touch, taste, hear, see? Focus on details.

Instead of describing how you felt about the experience, write down the physical and emotional sensations caused by the event. Remember to not be overly dramatic.

Method Writing gives you practice in seeing the world with all 5 senses. And most important – you’ll have a written record spanning the gamut of human emotions, which you’ll be able to apply to your writing. For example, your exhilaration at riding a bike for the first time will help you describe a bride’s happiness, even if you’re a guy. The shame and rejection you felt in gym class will segue onto the page when describing a man whose fiancée broke up with him – even if you’re a woman, a happily married man, or 16 years old.

After you’ve practiced Method Writing for a few days, go back to your current writing project and rework some of the more limp passages. Integrate the sense experiences you’ve been writing about in your daily Method Writing sessions. Remember that besides sight, there are four other senses you can employ in your description.

 

Description tool #2: Show

I’ve explained Show several times, and I encourage you to read this post for more information. Or consider buying “Wake Up Your Prose: Description Unpacked”! (You can put yourself on the waiting list here.)

Using Show in your prose means that you are describing the effect instead of the cause. For instance, instead of “The snow was cold” (cause), how about describing the snow from your character’s point of view: “The snow landed on her face, freezing it into a scowl” (effect). Or instead of “The coffee was hot,” you might say, “The coffee burned her tongue.”

Go easy on the adjectives and adverbs; let nouns and verbs do the heavy lifting.

 

Description tool #3: Tell

Believe it or not, Tell can be very useful when you want to write descriptively. Does that sound crazy? Before I explain what I mean, let’s quickly go over what Tell is and what it’s not.

• Tell helps move the plot or story along. This includes non-fiction, which also needs a storyline or narrative.
• Tell generally uses “to be” words, along with more passive verbs such as “have” and “do.”
• Tell gives readers a break from Show.
• Tell uses more adjectives and adverbs than Show.
• Tell is explanatory rather than experiential for the reader. We might not need to feel the snow on her face if this doesn’t serve the narrative; we merely have to read that it fell on her face.
• Tell is cause, not effect.

Why Tell is useful in descriptive writing

You definitely need plain narrative and explanation in your prose; if you employed only Show, you’d exhaust your readers. But this this doesn’t mean you can’t dress up your writing a bit.

Here are a few examples of Tell description that use power words, even while they’re showing effect:

• “Her sweatsuit was a green blur as she bounced up and down on the trampoline.”
• “Jenna absently twirled her red hair with her left hand as she figured out which color to dip her paintbrush in.”
• “The sky was overcast when they got into the car to go to the movies, and both were thankful for their fur-lined boots.”

Tell walks a fine line between overly descriptive, useless prose, and under descriptive, boring prose. For instance, in the 3rd example, overly descriptive would be…

“The sky was grey and overcast, with angry-looking clouds, as they ran to the black Mercedes. They were shaking with excitement and cold as they anticipated the drive to the movie theater. Both were thankful for their sturdily handsome, fur-lined boots.”

…while under descriptive prose might look something like this:

“It was cold. The sky was cloudy. They got into the car and went to the movies. Both of them were happy to have warm boots.”

Keep an uneven balance between Show and Tell (with Show maintaining the advantage), but don’t think of Tell as the enemy of descriptive prose.

 

Description tool #4: Analogy, metaphor, and simile

Analogy, metaphor, and simile are great description tools, as they use the reader’s experience and knowledge to help him or her understand what you’re trying to convey. Of course, moderation is the name of the game; don’t burden your readers with an avalanche of these description tools.

In a nutshell:

• Analogy is comparing two things that are dissimilar.
• Metaphor is making something a proxy for something else.
• Simile is using “like,” “as,” or “than” to compare two entities.

A caveat: You might have learned slightly different definitions of analogy and metaphor from your English teacher, but don’t get hung up on this; just use the devices when necessary, and don’t fuss with which one you’re using.

Remember that these tools can also become hackneyed and boring (see my previous post). So be careful.

Here are some examples of all 3 techniques:

Analogy

Analogy uses a known entity to explain an unknown entity in more familiar language.

• “Imagine McDonald’s being staffed by a bunch of investment bankers, and you’ll have a pretty good idea of what the charity auction at Harvard looked like.”
• “Getting onto the diamond exchange is not dissimilar to winning a seat in Congress.”
• “I heard the gunshots, and visions of my tour of duty in Saigon in the early seventies sprang to mind.”

Metaphor

Metaphor evokes an image in your mind so you will more readily understand the idea.

• “She has that Ella Fitzgerald-type of voice.”
• “He’s the Goliath of the family.”
• “My mother’s politics match those of Atilla the Hun.”

Simile

Simile is more of a straight comparison.

• “He sings like Joe Cocker on a bad day.”
• “My grandfather is as mean as a hungry pit bull.”
• “She’s uglier than Cinderella’s sisters.”

 

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I will be covering these and many other descriptive writing techniques in depth in my online course, “Wake Up Your Prose: Description Unpacked.” Go ahead and put yourself on the waiting list! You might be in for a pleasant surprise… Click here to get on the list. There is absolutely no obligation to buy.

I hope this post will help you put more color and light into your prose. Which technique will you try today? Let me know in the comments below.

Happy writing!

Deena

Deena Nataf

www.BulletproofWriting.com

Deena@BulletproofWriting.com

P.S. Don’t forget to enter the giveaway for a month of coaching from me! It’s worth $297. Here’s the link to enter. Share it will others, and you’ll get more entries if they sign up, too.

 

 

 

The giveaway for a month of writing and editorial mentoring has gotten off to a good start, and I encourage all of you to enter. It’s an opportunity to win 1-on-1 coaching from me.  We’ll work together to design a step-by-step program for writing or finishing your book, article, memoir – whatever you want – with the goal of getting it written and finished. And you’ll have access to me via both email and phone.

Once you enter, you’ll get a special sharing link. Share it with others, and get more entries!

 

[giveaway id=2659]

 

In honor of the upcoming launch of my premium course, Wake Up Your Prose: Description Unpacked, I thought we’d go over some common mistakes we all make when trying to up our description game.

 

Description mistake #1

Too dramatic

Most of us have felt at one time or another that to describe means to be dramatic. Check this out:

She slithered into the room, gloriously shimmering from head to toe. Every man in the room cast his eyes on the dazzling figure she cut. As Percival sipped his cold martini, its tang burning the roof of his mouth, his sea-green eyes watched her closely. As Chloe strutted past him, the scent of her Chanel No. 5 wafted into his nostrils, awakening memories of their magical time together.

Okay, other than the fact that this is the worst piece of prose I’ve ever written in my life – but do you think I could get a job writing for Harlequin Romances? – I have to ask you something: are martinis tangy?

This overly dramatic paragraph is not only bad, it’s full of unnecessary adjectives and adverbs, no-no’s I’ve harped on in several posts. Moreover, do we really care that Percival’s mouth is burning? I know I don’t.  And I really don’t want to hear about his nostrils.

Yes, you need descriptive words to convey time, place, and mood, but if the description is not necessary to the plot or thesis, don’t go there.

Sometimes, less is more. Try using hard-working nouns and verbs to do the heavy lifting, so you won’t have to fall back on excessive verbiage.

Check your adjectives and adverbs (if you must use them) for accuracy. I personally wouldn’t want to see a woman slithering into a room; what is she, a snake? Put yourself in the mind of your reader. Your descriptive words are going to evoke feelings; which do you want your reader to experience?  Once you figure that out, find words that will do the job.

 

Description mistake #2

Too self-conscious

This is the type of writing sounds like the author is looking over their shoulder while writing. Often, one gets the feeling that they’re trying to imitate a famous author in the process. While I encourage you to read many and varied authors – and I even suggest you write out particularly excellent descriptions in longhand – when it’s time to do your own writing, you need to take lessons from the greats but employ your own, unique style.

Here’s a parody of Ernest Hemingway, who was famous for his bare minimum, Marlboro Man descriptions:

The mountain stood naked in the early-morning sun. Birds flew from their aeries in anticipation of a new day of scavenging. The man shrugged his backpack onto his shoulders, beginning the ascent. The smell of last night’s campfire emanated from his wrinkled, slept-in clothes. He walked on the path toward his destiny.

Very nice (not). It’s certainly better than the first example, but not by much. Nothing really happens. Again, where in this paragraph is the plot being moved forward?

What does a naked mountain look like? And what’s with this destiny thing? Is the author going to develop it; does he himself even know what that last sentence means? Remember: Never write a word whose meaning and implication you don’t absolutely know. Don’t sacrifice clarity and purpose on the altar of cheap Hemingway leftovers.

As a side issue, notice the rhythm of the sentences; they are almost all the same: subject-verb-prepositional phrase-comma-participle phrase. I am a fan of aural writing, meaning that the prose must sound right to my ear. Therefore, when I’m reading over what I wrote (BTW, I do read everything over three or four times, and I recommend this for everyone), I make sure to vary the rhythm of the sentences, their length, and their syntax.

 

Description mistake #3

Too many “to be” words

Many of us use a lot of “to be” words, which generally don’t contribute to original, thought-provoking prose.

While it’s fine to Tell sometimes, we should all be wary of too many “to be” words. Even when Telling, you can use other verbs. Check this out:

A book was on the floor, and Martine was picking it up when Jean Claude walked into the room. He was wearing brown corduroy trousers and a black shirt. The other books were on the shelves according to color. Jean Claude snorted when he saw them.

The problem with this paragraph is that it’s a parade of was, was, was, and were. let’s dress it up with a few descriptive verbs and judiciously placed adjectives and/or adverbs:

Jean Claude entered the room, wearing brown corduroy trousers and a black shirt that set off his emerald-green eyes. A book lay on the floor, and Martine bent to pick it up as she glanced at him. The rest of the books on the shelves were categorized according to color. Jean Claude stared at this bizarre arrangement, his eyes flickering with amusement and the dimple on his cheek deepening.

As I’ve said both here and here, Tell is usually cause and Show is generally effect. The first three sentences in this excerpt are more Telling, as they give us information without the emotional investment. The last sentence is Show, as the flicker of amusement and the deepening dimple

1. were caused by the wonky placement of the books on the shelves and
2. demonstrate how Jean Claude experienced the vision of the books.

 

Description mistake #4

Too superficial

Many times, descriptive writing will require you to get into the head of a character and find a way to convey what they’re feeling or experiencing. If you want to employ description, you won’t be able to get away with “She felt bad” or “She was freezing.” You also have to be careful about hackneyed phrases, which won’t do your subjects justice.

Compare this:

James drove the convertible like he was competing in the Indy 500. The wind was ice-cold and his tears froze on his cheeks. He drove relentlessly toward his father’s house, dreading the moment he had to break the terrible news. The wedding was off.

With this:

It was like being rejected from the high school basketball team all over again. How would he face his father as he turned the key in the lock? The wedding was off. James felt the old lump in his throat and his racing heart. And something new, too; his cheeks were wet.

In the second example, we learn how James is feeling from the comparison between his present rejection and his rejection from the basketball team. Who among us hasn’t experienced some sort of rejection in our lives? Who hasn’t felt a lump in their throat? Don’t we all remember an event where we dreaded facing our parents?

Moreover, the second excerpt draws us in to James’ world; we experience what he’s experiencing. With superficial description, that can’t happen. Feelings and emotions can be reported, but not experienced.

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As you can see, there’s more to descriptive writing than just “describing something.” The warning signs I outlined above will help you ask yourself the right questions and present your prose clearly and interestingly.

For more on description, consider taking my course, Wake Up Your Prose: Description Unpacked. Click here to get on the waiting list! And stay tuned for more on descriptive writing in the next few weeks. And, as always,

Happy writing!

Deena

Deena Nataf

www.BulletproofWriting.com

Deena@BulletproofWriting.com

P.S. Here’s the link for the giveaway again.